giving thanks.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. [1 Thessalonians 5:16-18]

I love Thanksgiving; it’s by far my favorite holiday. And while I love me some ham (yeah, not so much a turkey fan), stuffing, mashed potaters, with a slice (or two) of pumpkin pie, there are such greater things to be thankful for. I love how my family comes together, I love how we can share our blessings, I love how we’re that much closer to CHRISTmas. I especially love this holiday because it provokes an “attitude of gratitude.” This particular holiday allows us to take a little break from our busybee lives, take the attention off ourselves and project our thankfulness elsewhere.

Although I would love to list out the oodles of blessings that make my heart overflow with gratitude, I can sum it all up in giving thanks to the Giver of all these gifts. Without giving thanks to the One who provides all these things, these things would just be tangible, expendable things. And I hope that God grows our hearts to rejoice always regardless if we have all this stuff or if we’re experiencing favorable circumstances for God alone is the sufficient source of gratitude.

So thank You, oh gracious God, for everything You are. You are a God who is consistent, who loves unconditionally, who has given us Your Word that we may learn about You by the power of the Holy Spirit, who hears the cries of our hearts, who comforts us in the most trying times, who places beautiful people and opportunities in our lives, who provides blessings that we do not deserve. But most importantly God, thank You for the gift of Your Son, Jesus, who is more than just a “good example.” He suffered the horrific punishment in our place and served as a sufficient sacrifice to reconcile us to You as he conquered sin and death so that we may live. Forgive us for often being ungrateful or being negligent of the Giver of all the luxuries we have. May we be challenged to maintain this spirit of thanksgiving throughout the year because there is always something to be thankful for.

beyond this life.

I often think about heaven...

- What will it be like? What will I do there? Where will I live? Who will I be reunited with? Who will I meet? While I may dream about roads paved in gold and a grand mansion to rest in, all of that won't matter because I'm pretty sure my one concern and the first person I'll want to see is Jesus himself! What will I say to him? What will he say to me? What will I do? I think my main priority would be to thank him for saving me. It's like that one song, I can only imagine...

- How awful would it be if we were accepted into heaven based on our works alone? I bet no one would get in, elbowing each other to get to the front of the line, trying to outdo each other, claiming that they did more than the next person and, therefore, deserve a better place in heaven. Everyone would be arguing and competing over what they did and how it entitles them to VIP treatment in heaven. But we can never earn heaven because we can never deserve heaven. We deserve quite the opposite. That would be horrible if we had to work our way to heaven, but thank God that all we have to do is receive the gift of eternal life through faith. It is his pure love, mercy and grace that reconciles us to him even though we don't deserve it. We don't have to do anything, everything has already been done for us.

- Why not think of living for today instead? While I do appreciate every day that God blesses me with, the opportunities, the people, etc, I know that time here on this earth is but a vapor and there is more beyond this life. I am so extremely grateful for every moment here and I hope to take advantage of every moment here. But I also do want to set my mind on heavenly things instead of idly absorbing the illusions of what the world offers. So I hope to live this life that is pleasing to the very God that sustains my life to experience it.

- And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold,the dwelling placeof God is with man. He willdwell with them, and they will be his people,and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, anddeath shall be no more,neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." [Revelation 21:4]

I long for this day. Wouldn't you, my friend? Let's talk.

run with endurance.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a could of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God [Hebrews 12:1-2]

After fighting through a fun week of a sore throat, runny nose (and all that other good stuff), I was determined to suck it up for 13.1 miles this Sunday for the LB half marathon. I wasn’t feeling nearly as prepared as the Surf City Half back in February and my excitement was buried beneath tissues and a lack of motivation. The night before, I meditated on these verses and completely surrendered it all to God. As always, I knew I would surely need God to be my strength.

Brento and I arrived in gloomy Long Beach by 5am as the dark streets were jam-packed with proud runners stuffed in cars with bumper stickers like “Divas <3 to Run.” We stretched out, waited in a ginormous line for the potty and headed to the start line.



Miles 1 and 2 were a breeze while hundreds of us ran like a school of fishies. At mile 3 and 4, I was still feeling good, feeding off the energy of the diverse and enthusiastic crowd. Then at miles 5-8, I felt my body shutting down. I felt defeated as people kept zooming by me, but my competitve nature would not allow that. As my pride increased, so did the pain. My bad left knee was about to go out, my lungs were pushing full throttle by then. The energy bar from earlier and baby cups of powerade throughout the race were just not cuttin’ it. By mile 9, my vision was blurred and I had to stop several times to stretch out and breathe. More intense prayer kicked in by now. Miles 10 and 11 were a fight with myself although the cheers on the sidelines and strangers’ high fives gave me little boosts throughout the way. Then on mile 12, I just couldn’t do it. I had to stop. As I started to walk, I suddenly noticed a shirtless man ahead of me with a fatty tattoo on his back of a cross on a hill. I started to pick up the pace once again, feeling unusually rejuvenated and literally fixed my eyes on the cross to draw me to that finish line.







Now, the race continues and I must press on.
And I must remember where to focus my eyes---
on You, oh Lord, help me to always fix my eyes on You.

how’s that for some sky candy?

Now, summer’s not leaving without a fight. The heavy heat’s been rolling in for several days now… and so have some of the most beautiful clouds I’ve ever seen!! These pictorals were taken on my way to and from work. I just had to stop and snap some photos of these sights. I just had to stop and worship. All I could think was, “wow God, just wow.” What an absolute blessing to be surrounded by amazing sights of Creation, pieces of evidence that a genius Creator truly exists!

Full of splendor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever! [Psalm 111:3]

As I am amazed of your wonderful works and thankful for all the blessings in my life, oh God, I pray that I am even more in awe of who YOU are and the most wonderful gift that You have given to us. I pray that I remember that Creation is a mere reflection of the Creator. And oh how beautiful it is and how beautiful You are, indeed.

I GIVE UP.

No matter how much I try and try, I am always reminded I cannot do this on my own. So, once again, I give up. It’s pretty exhausting trying to do all and be all. Lord, please help me to surrender. My little heart is filled with big ambitions, but I know that you, oh God, are even bigger and greater and Your guiding hand will direct my steps. I want to surrender my desires, my heart, my talents, my goals, my life into Your hands because I know that You know what is best for me. If I’m not living to wholeheartedly know, worship and love You, I’m obviously focusing on the wrong thing. Forgive me for seeking pleasure in silly places. You alone can satisfy. You are all I need. Nothing else can fill these voids but You and nothing else deserves such praise. I pray that the good news would captivate my heart once again and open my eyes to see that You encompass everything perfect and lovely.

WOW, i was seriously brought to tears when watching this. How encouraging to know that these guys can use their God-given talents to reach so many people in sharing the truth of how we absolutely need God. I hope those who view this video look beyond the tight dancing (because it was super tight!!) and really focus on the driving force behind it—- Jesus Christ. We need him. Thank you Vinh, Keone and Mari for sharing this and glorifying God through the talents He has blessed you with. Praise the Lord foreal.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. [Colossians 3:17]

love.

"I love you, O LORD, my strength.
[Psalm 18:1]"

Right now, I am weak. I am frazzled. I am vulnerable. I am helpless without You. My heart is heavy. My mind wanders.

But You, O LORD, are my strength and my refuge.

I don’t know a whole lot, but I know You are real and I know you are the reason for every blessing and with me through every trial.

God is good.

I find myself wandering into temptation, finding comfort and contentment in foolish things. It’s such a struggle when we know what we should do, but our fleshy desires direct us elsewhere. Why splash in the mud for a little while when God offers you the most wonderful riches for all eternity?

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. - C.S. Lewis

Dear God, I know that what You offer is beyond comprehension. Even the most satisfying things in life cannot compare to what You have in store for those who believe and trust in You. I also know that I am weak against temptation, so I pray that I would cling to You as my Rock because we know that my mind and heart can be rather unstable. I know that you know what is best for me. Increase my faith to live by that truth, a real doer of your word. Lord, enlarge my heart and open my eyes to acknowledge opportunities and fill me with the boldness to be a witness for You. And please soften hearts, break down walls, reveal Yourself to those who really need You for healing, comfort, direction and true love that they cannot receive from anyone else. We need You.

God is everything I need and I pray that He transforms my heart to genuinely make Jesus my greatest treasure. Because of him, my life would not make sense. He is the way, the truth and the life. He is the Creator of all things, the sustainer of life, the giver of all necessities, the strength in trials, the teacher of true knowledge, the leader in times of uncertainty, the source of abundant joy, the only one who can love perfectly.

God is so good. How can I not rejoice?

I am praying for you.

a God who knows.

In the midst of our suffering, our God is there, with a love ever so unfailing. Trust Him with your pain, place your hand in His, give your heart to Him, He won’t let you down.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. [Hebrews 4:15]

homegirl ruby is having a pretty sweet giveaway!!

oh how i'd love to score me that snazzy polaroid camera!
other than that, check out her blog-a-roo!

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. [James 4:13-16]

I approached him and revealed my growing desire to venture to the Philippines to participate in missions, particularly his student ministry in Bacolod. We exchanged our excitment and he encouraged me to pursue this yearning of my heart to reach the nations with missionary work.

Then he prayed for me.

He was a loving husband and father, a leader and evangelizer, a faithful servant of the Lord, doing great things for God’s kingdom until his last day of his unexpected death. Although we mourn the physical death of our brother, Pastor Aboi del Mundo, in his early 40s, we also rejoice that he is undoubtedly celebrating a life in heaven with the very God that he dedicated his life to serving. Praise God for his example and may his family and friends be comforted by the sufficient grace of God.

So teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.
[Psalm 90:12]

We do not know how long God will allow us to live here on this earth, but my hope is to use this short time I am given to express gratitude to my Father in heaven. Yes, life is short, but I don’t want that fact to permit foolishness. I want to give my life to the One who gave His life for me—- I would rather lift it up with full assurance than live it up, searching for the next high, exhalting idols and chasing things that do not satisfy. Dear God, give me grace, be my strength, I cannot do this alone. Teach me to number my days, pursuing only things that are pleasing in Your sight.

so encouraged!

i just wanted to share a blog post by our friend, marc, a new believer and already going strong with a desire to learn and grow in the knowledge and love of God! PTL!
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Page by Page Struggle

It’s either ALL the Word of God, or it isn’t.

Something that is a constant battle for me and I’m sure will continue to be, so long as I continue to grow in my faith.

I’ve been attending Creekside Church every Sunday for the past couple months or so, and when I can’t make it to Irvine from being out of town or other circumstances I listen to the sermons online once they’re posted to get caught up. The series of messages are called Kingdom Living and have all been about Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount which is a compilation of Jesus’ teachings on how to live our lives. Each week a different section of the Sermon on the Mount is discussed at Creekside, and each time I learn something new about myself that I have to change or adjust in order to better follow God’s Word. Now these changes don’t come immediately for me, or for anyone I presume, but with prayer and just continually studying the Bible it becomes easier and easier to try and mold myself into the person God wants me to be.

Now I guess the next question is why should I continually have to change how I act or think each time I read something in the Bible that conflicts with how I think or act already? Well to put it simply, it’s because I’m a believer; I believe that Jesus Christ is my savoir who died for my sins and all sins of the earth. I invited God into my life because I’ve learned that I need His guidance. Along with allowing God to enter my life came some rules that I have to obey and things I must do, not to prove to Him my self-worth and not to buy my way into His Kingdom, but instead to thank Him for what He has given me. Trying to do good works and live a perfectly moral life in order to prove to God that I am worthy doesn’t really make sense because I have sinned and unfortunately I probably will sin again because “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Basically, I can’t claim my worth to God based on my obedience to Him because I fall short of God’s standards. Sounds discouraging? Not to me, because I know that due to sin I would not be allowed to live in Heaven with God; however, God provided me and all of us an opportunity to be with Him because HE LOVES US. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). It’s this love, this unconditional love that provides the reason to why I am trying my best to re-shape my life to glorify God because I cannot possibly thank Him enough for saving me. “Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” – Romans 10:9

So that pretty much covers the reasons as to why I am trying to do things differently in my life nowadays. The problem is that it isn’t always easy to just change the way you live and believe me I have plenty more to work on in my life. But I am trying and I am proud to say I have made some significant changes in my life that I am very proud of and thank God for answering my prayers about them and giving me the strength to change. Ok, so why did I title this post “Page by Page Struggle”? Well, mainly because the more I read the Bible the more I come to agree with and the more I also come to discover “oops, I’m messing up.” These mixed feelings come from reading the Sermon on the Mount or any part of the Bible really, and it’s a struggle because when I come across something I don’t necessarily agree with or something that’s hard for me to change, what do I do? Do I ignore the parts that challenge me and disagree with my previous beliefs and focus on all the awesome parts that I do agree with? That doesn’t really make sense because that’s basically me cherry picking which parts I like and dislike; or, agreeing and living by what the Bible says on one page but then turning the page and if I dislike it, just ignore it and continue to disobey it? That won’t quite work out because “it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified” (Romans 2:13). It’s not enough to just read/hear the Word of God, I have to ACTIVELY follow God’s Word. Definitely not always an easy task and I know that I am only just beginning the long journey that is to come which will be filled with difficulties that will push me and only help me grow further in my faith. If I come across something that I disagree with in the Bible, or is hard for me to obey I know I just need to pray about it and continually try and work towards correcting that fault in myself because “the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing” (James 1:25). I know I’ll make mistakes along the way, after all I am only human, but the comfort in knowing that God will be there every step of the way to help me out makes me understand that this is a journey I’ll be able to handle. Consciously trying to make an effort to change and follow the Word of God will be rewarding, as it already has been. PTL!

family at zee fair

Last Tuesday, the Cruz sibs and the bro’s gfriend excitedly drove up from sd to the OC fair, with growling tummies and intense cravings for anything deep-fried, dipped, battered and/or covered with anything unhealthy. But we were literally stopped in our tracks as it turns out the fair was closed Mondays and Tuesday (i know, who does that?!) We made the most of it and had a delicious dinner at Haven gastropub instead, which left our tummies quite satisfied in the mean time.

BUT our appetites for fatty fried fair food had not yes been fulfilled, so attempt #2 came the following Sunday. This time, we had our eyes on the prize with double the determination and double the hunger… and ah yes, our eyes were definitely bigger than our bellies. We were completely stuffed after the chocolate covered bacon (super yuck), zucchini weenies, deep fried sweet potatoes, garlic fries, italian sausage, icee, deep fried s’mores, deep fried oreos, turkey legs, shaved ice and some funnel cake. Mmmmm. We shall rest our bellies and arteries til next year OC Fair!!















I thank God for my two sisters (perhaps soon to be 3!) and my favorite brother (yes, it was a hard choice). We don’t all get to hang out altogether, considering the bro and gfriend live way over in NY, but when we do, it’s so refreshing. Obviously, no one knows you like family—- the ones you grew up with, the ones who played with you, the ones who bullied you, the ones you could share your deepest thoughts with, the ones who teased you, the ones who told you it was going to be okay, the ones who braided your hair, the ones who shared, played and prayed with you. We’ve been through a lot together, but God has sustained us. And I highly doubt you’ll ever read this—- but thank you mommy and daddy for raising us exactly how you did. I know we’re not the easiest kiddos to deal with. We don’t tell you enough how thankful we are and how much we love you, so I hope we try to do that way more often.

Thank you so much God for these lovely people I am blessed to call my family.

Psalm 94:18-19

When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul. (NIV)

=========
When I thought,(A) “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O LORD,(B) held me up.
When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul. (ESV)

=========

Your Word is so rich with truths and encouragement. It speaks to my heart and my soul at the exact moment when I need it the most! It transcends time and applies to every experience in life. Oh awesome God, grow me to crave Your Word, to love Your Word, to follow Your Word, to obey Your Word, to share Your Word.

backwards thinking.

“We may feel our faith isn’t strong enough to see miracles and move mountains in our lives. Some well-meaning friends may tell us we need “more faith” or “greater faith.” But this is backwards thinking. It’s not so much great faith in God that’s required, as it is faith in a great God” - Pastor Greg Laurie

soon.

Lord-willing.

restless.

I don't know what it is, but lately I have been feeling a little restless. I crave adventure, but few open slots in my day-to-day. While, I am a fan of structure, I often want to scream without the luxury of a flexible schedule. Perhaps it's because I've been sitting comfortably in this Irvine bubble for five years and the OC just ain't cuttin' it anymore. Maybe it's because I feel like God's calling me to do some big things somewhere else. Nonetheless, I trust that God has planted me here for a reason and I hope that I'll be able to accept His current mission with a joyful heart and not a bitter flesh. It's so easy for us to fix our eyes on our problems instead of Your promises. Enlarge my heart, increase my faith, God.

I have been praying for God to grow me to be content, to be patient in these current circumstances and to understand that there are opportunities no matter where I am... but I truly believe God is calling my little heart elsewhere. Now is the time to really pray without ceasing, to align my desires to His as I seek to honor Him with whatever He has in store for me...

Exciting opportunities have been presented for 2011 and I pray that I would be granted the discernment to make some big decisions. Lord, guide me because the future is unclear and I fight the temptation to be anxious, but I rest in the fact that You are real and You work all things together for good for those who love You.

...and friends, how may I pray for you?

say y-y-y-YES to v-v-v-v-VBS!

Ah yes, August has snuck up on us, which means deep-fried everything at the OC fair… but also it’s Vacation Bible School (VBS) time! Last week, our church united to serve the children of the community for a week-long event of delving into God’s Word, singing silly songs, grubbin on delicious home-cookin’, arts-and-crafting, and learning about how awesome Jesus is! After each day of VBS, the staff was exhausted, but we re-energized for these kiddos in hopes that we would be effective witnesses of the gospel.

This year, God presented me with the challenge of teaching grades 4 and 5 with my awesome assistant duo, Derek and EJ! Although this rowdy group of “Space Rangers” were unable to maintain focus for more than 3.5 minutes, they were such a blessing! Their eagerness to learn and understand the gospel transformed into big, heavy questions. It was a test of our patience, of course, but praise God because we could experience their true child-like faith that He calls us to have. I pray that these kids will one day learn to know and love Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.

I could see God moving for sure through the week. It was such a beautiful sight to be in the main auditorium for worship, seeing everyone from toddlers to the elders singing together and reciting memory verses. It was awesome to know that in each class from babies to the “more mature”, people were hearing the gospel and how absolutely relevant it is to their lives. What an incredible display that there is no age limit to when a person can learn about God, especially because God is so infinite that we’ll never understand Him completely. But what we do know about Him and what He offers is more than enough to have true assurance in a God who loves, cares, strengthens, forgives, etc etc etc. PTL f’sho! :)

it's not about us.

There is a throne at the center of the universe and we are NOT sitting on it

- Pastor Mike Eary, Rock Harbor

“In the beginning GOD.” God doesn’t need us. Creation will worship Him even when we don’t. It is a privilege to worship Him. It is a privilege to take part in His story. As Pastor Mike Eary reminded us, this story is not about us. This life is not about us. It was not created by us, it is not sustained by us. In the scope of eternity, our life is but a vapor, a mist. We are mere instruments and background characters in God’s story. He is the Creator, author, director of our lives (which is pretty awesome because my self-written story would probably turn out just as flawed as I am). He graciously provides us with this wonderful life to enjoy. Despite the reality that we are so small in His world, He loves us so much to the point of sending His own Son to die for us. In our tiny minds, that just doesn’t make sense. Why would the most powerful, greatest, mightiest God do such a crazy thing for such “disposable” creatures?

Then I remember that He loves us. I cannot emphasize that enough. Despite how insignificant, unworthy, overlooked, dirty, useless we may feel, He loves us. And in that brokenness, in our weakness, in our realization of how helpless we are in His world without Him, we can truly understand our strength when we put our entire trust in Him. For when I am weak, I am truly strong because I remember that I need a great and powerful God to fill my voids and renew my heart daily.

Mike Eary says that when we realize that we are not the main character of this incredible story, we will become incredibly important and used for God’s purpose. It’s so easy to get swept up in the me me me of society. My dreams, my wants, my desires, my feelings, my pain, my schedule, my life. With this mentality, we begin to feel entitled to things, people, attention, etc. Imagine telling your closest friends that you’re going to live for yourself, for your own happiness. That seems like such a silly way to live, but we’re all guilty of it (myself included). It seems rather foolish to crave others’ praise when we should be directing ours towards the One who ultimately deserves ours beyond measure. Thank you God for reminding me that it is not about us, it’s all about You.

let go.

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it. - Psalm 139:1-6


God knows my heart. He knows my thoughts before I notice they’re forming in my head. He knows my true desires even if I won’t admit them. God knows what I want and what I need. God delights when I delight in Him. He also hurts when something else steals away that attention. He wants me to know Him because He knows what’s best for me. God knows when I am hurting and He knows just what will heal that pain. He understands healing and He understands pain because He has felt every bit of that suffering. He weeps with me. He gives me strength. God chases me through my stubbornness and neglect. He is patient when I am not. He never leaves me, even when I feel like I’m helpless and all alone. He has a plan for me. God wants me to live a fulfilling life. He offers a greater joy than I have ever experienced elsewhere. God rejoices in my praises, He listens to my prayers, He hears the deepest cries of my heart.

God loves me… but more than that, God loves YOU.

"He is infinite and we are finite; there will always be more of His character to discover, more of His love to experience, and more of His power to use for His purposes"

“Forgotten God”- Francis Chan

so this is it.

The past several weeks have been a blur, jam-packed with programs, dancing dancing, hangouts, conversations, banquets, packing. On top of all this, the bfriend was in town for a couple of weeks, so plenty of quality time was spent together and playing with friendsies. And now, he has returned to the big apple, my residents are loading their ridiculous amount of stuff into their cars and my boys’ suite is blasting their “tear-jerker” playlist (with the classics of boyz II men, pdiddy and other slow jams that belong on the “touch game” soundtrack). My walls are bare, the hall is eerily quiet. I can’t stop denying it—- it’s here—- the end of college is really here.

Everyone keeps asking me if im excited or sad or scared to graduate. And i get this uneasy feeling as i think, “should i be excited, sad, or scared?” The truth is—- i can’t really say i’m any of the above. I am simply content. I have had a fulfilling five years (yayy victory lap!!), pursuing what i’m passionate about, devoting time to people i absolutely love, growing closer to God who has captured my heart.

So thank you to all of you lovely people who contributed to these five fruitful years. mi familia. cuesta. 198 & co. pass. MCIA. MMMKK. aifs. spurple year (mariachi bearshark fiesta) and spgold year (spohana!). middle earth. crickholla. cfbc. julianleong. and many many many more.

But the biggest and grandest praise goes to the most gracious God. How could i take or give credit and thanks without giving thanks to the One who gave it all so that i could enjoy these things? Ah, grace, receiving things that i do not deserve. What an absolute wonder it is to look back on these years and see how God works through struggles, events and people to grow us, to bring us to where we are now. I just can’t imagine attributing the love and growth i’ve experienced over the years to silly things like luck or coincidence. Every good and perfect thing can only be a result of a good and perfect God.





“I’m so proud you found your finale”- bfriend

the truest of all loves.

We learn to love by being loved. - julian @ mcia bible study

And there is no better way to distinguish love than through the ultimate event that exemplified undeniable love—- on the Cross. God the Father sacrificing his beloved Son for our sake, a corrupt, sinful people. What an absolutely incredible concept that God would do such a thing for people who clearly did not deserve it. It just doesn’t make any sense. If His love and salvation are free gifts in exchange for faith, I’d say that’s a pretty sweet deal.

Jesus is way more than just a good person in history. He is my Savior, bearer of all sin for my sake. He is the ultimate example of humility, servanthood, obedience, etc etc. He is my Lord, Creator of all things, giver of all things, controller of all things. God IS love, unchanging, consistent, never disappointing, abounding, overwhelming, eternal love. It’s that kind of love that transforms your perception of how to love others. Now that’s the kind of love I want to chase, the kind of love I want to rest in, and that’s also the kind of love I want to give.

We love because he first loved us. [1 John 4:19]


Lord, teach me to love You more and to love more like you— obediently, consistently, unconditionally. May the life of Your Son beyond that very moment on that Cross be a constant image in my mind that transforms my heart into action towards others. I pray that this be a reminder that You are the true example of love beyond anything this world can offer.

my love.

julianLeong, you are truly a blessing in my life. who woulda thunk, right? i praise God for the wisdom and talent He’s blessed you with and for the love you pour out abundantly for those around you. what an absolute honor to be by your side to see how you’ve grown through the years (our story is quite unique). in fact, God used you to bring me back to Him back in the day. even though the east coast is borrowing you temporarily, im so grateful that we are still able to grow together and serve in ministry together. i must say, we’re a pretty good team. and although absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, i can’t wait til you mosey on over back back to cali cali so we can have more date nights and quality time together. you’re so awesome, quirks and all. God is maturing you into a fine, godly man who thankfully re-directs my little heart back to Him time and time again. my heart is so overjoyed to have you in my life, love. so a very happiest of birthday greetings to you, the big 24! may God continue to grow you in obedience, knowledge and love for Him. im praying for you. i love you more and more bfriend!!

what i have learned this year.

I stayed for a fifth year for a number of reasons and I’m not gonna lie… part of the reason I did was for selfish reasons. I thought being an RA would complete my college experience. The perks of free housing, free meals, easy classes, and just hanging out all year weren’t too shabby either. A year to relax and figure things out for myself. Of course, I wanted to make an impact on first years, to be an example, to learn something about myself. When I accepted this position, I knew God was going to teach me something. As this year quicky comes to an end, I have learned more about me—- by learning more about Him.

This year, God revealed my flaws, my pride, my selfish ambitions, my distrust, my desire for control, my impatience, my inability to forgive, my fear, my anxieties, my weakness apart from Him and so on and so on. By doing so, He revealed Himself as sovereign, gracious, forgiving, patient and loving beyond explanation. He revealed my constant need to cling to His constant grace and fall into His loving arms.

I believe there are opportunities regardless of where you are. I had always wanted to be an RA, but His timing is so perfect in that He was growing me a little more before He thought I was ready to do work for His kingdom. I came into the position, knowing God was on my side and that there would be opportunities to proclaim Christ. This year showed me that not only is God on my side, but He is way ahead of me, preparing it all. And man, did He provide opportunities galore! Not only has He blessed me with these 80+ great residents to serve and love, but also with other friends, including mcia, whose hearts God has been moving tremendously. It really is by His grace that He has grown me in boldness to display and share the gospel.

So I must say I’m content with leaving this place at this time. I’ve done my share in college—- got involved, learned to dance, had some fun jobs, met some really amazing people, even met a guy who I’m completely in love with. I’d say after my first four years, my past experiences built up a good amount of self-confidence. Before this year, I would consider myself pretty independent and composed (at least on the outside). I suppose through years of busy schedules and overloaded involvements, I got pretty good at enduring the hectic lifestyle. I guess living where you work took “being involved” to an extreme level. I imagined the RA position to consist of daily hangouts with residents, relaxing, being spontaneous. My prideful self told me “this year will be easy, you can do it.” God told me, “this year will have many challenges; I will not let you do it alone.” Only with Him am I able to handle these ups and downs of life. Only through Him can I see how unworthy I am and how grateful I should be. And only because of Him am I able to live through every trial and blessing that come my way. God is so good. PTL.

in two places at once.

http://lodydody.tumblr.com/

there is oh so much....

to be thankful and excited for!!

what an absolute blessing to witness our friends' growth and desire to learn more about God! so many questions being asked, so many conversations being made, so many opportunities to proclaim Christ! i am overwhelmed, my heart's been jumping with joy and overflowing with seeing God's grace in so many lives.

while there is much to be thankful and excited for, there is also much to pray for. bros and sistas, join us in prayer for these hearts that are seeking to know who Christ is and where he fits in their lives.

dear Lord, you are doing some great things all over the place. we commit this ministry to Your hands, knowing that you are so faithful and loving. thank you for letting us be a part of your amazing work!

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
[Hebrews 11:6]



this campus is too beautiful to overlook.
your Creation never ceases to amaze me!

hey soul sista

meet my beautiful cousin, jenevieve. we would see each other at random family parties as we were growing up, the usual friendly hello's and small talk. but it wasn't until she joined mcia delta year where we actually started getting to know each other. since then, she's matured so much! from awkward freshmen newbie to captain to coord (for two years!) she's also been involved in various on-campus organizations where her passion and dedication continue to shine. above all this, her heart's been moved and transformed by the Holy Spirit as she was saved by grace earlier this year when she decided to dedicate her life to follow Christ. i'm super encouraged by her rapid growth in boldness and knowledge so early in her walk. her resilience, understanding and excitement to learn more and more about Jesus is such a blessing!

jenhabib, im really proud of you and i'm really glad i can share this experience with you. today, during our weekly hangout, you told me that when you move back home, you're scared that you'll be alone in your faith... rest assured i am but a phone call away, cousin. im here for ya now and later and know that im always praying for you, my little sister-in-Christ. beyond that, don't ever forget that God will always be with you. now that's unconditional love. what an absolutely wonderful promise! PTL! love you!

be constant in prayer.

"...anything great starts with prayer. not telling him what to do, not saying God here's my plan, I want you to do this, but really just come before God and saying, I don't know what your plan is, I just want you, whatever will bring you most glory, I'm asking you to do that, I'm begging you to do that... are you completely surrendered where you say, okay God, whatever that is then, I just want it to be of you because I'm tired of me. I'm tired of what I can produce, I'm tired of what people can produce, I gotta have something supernatural in my life. It starts with prayer." - "I'm in Love" sermon by Francis Chan

I've been struggling with the recurring idolatry of control. This upcoming in-between-college-and-real-world state has got me in a funk. Even with the rebukes and reminders from the bfriend, I still harbor that anxiety and that need for control. I find myself getting frustrated at lack of responses from employers, other friends telling me about their exciting new ambitions, and the inability to respond when people ask me what I'll be doing post-graduation. For once, in a long time, I just don't know. I have way more questions than answers. But this is all so silly to me. Worry and doubt are clear indicators of a lack of trust, a lack of faith. Why am I striving to create some brilliant post-grad plan for myself? Why do I think I can figure it all out better than God can? Do I honestly think that having it all mapped out will give me the ultimate comfort? Why am I so restless?  

Truth is--- I don't have it all figured out. I don't need to. As Francis Chan says, "anything great starts with prayer," so that is where I am now and that is where I'll be until God opens that door and lays out that path that He so graciously provided. "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future." wow, what a seriously incredible statement of faith.

Lord, convict me of my foolishness. I know You have a plan, I know I should have no fear in the future. Loving God, I know these things deep in my heart, but move in me to live a life where that truth is so real. Lord, I pray I would rest in your wonderful promises and not in my unstable plans. In Your holy and precious name, amen.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, 

plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

[Jeremiah 29:11]

7 more weeks...

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

[Matthew 11:28-30]

what a comfort to know that there is relief from the busy day-to-day schedules. what a comfort to know that we can find rest in a reliable, consistent, faithful God. what a comfort to know that God already knew the solutions before you even realized there was a problem. what a comfort to know that God will never leave or forsake you. what a comfort to know that God's in control. what a comfort to know that God is your strength. what a comfort to know that, while we don't know the future, we know that God's already got it all figured out. what a comfort to know that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

so crazy.

"No matter how many fascinating details we learn about God's creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget. Most of us know that we are supposed to love and fear God; that we are supposed to read our Bibles and pray that we can get to know Him better; that we are supposed to worship Him with our lives. But actually living it out is challenging"- Crazy Love by Francis Chan

QT.

On Sunday, Pastor Ed's message discussed faith as he used the story of young Joshua's unbelievable battle against Jericho. I think if I were in Joshua's place, I would be terrified with the incredibly huge task set before me. But why should I be so terrified?

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
[Joshua 1:9]

do we place limits on how much we trust God? do we break down our ability to see God's consistent character as we focus on current circumstances? do we underestimate God by filling our minds with 'what if's? does our doubt blind us from knowing that God is working all things together for good? does our impatience hinder us from remembering that God's timing may be different than ours? do our feelings overpower the hope we have in God? how great would our lives be if we were more aware of God's presence and His promises?

God was undoubtedly with Joshua and his army, leading them to victory. the message in this event is altogether convicting. the battle cannot be won by our own strength. these struggles were not meant to be faced alone. when we start to think that the enemy is too strong or the task is too big, we are deflating the potential of our faith. we need to recognize that God is greater than anything and can do exceedingly beyond what we could ever comprehend.

For the foolishness of God is wiser than men,
and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
[1 Corinthians 1:25]

dear almighty God,
please grow me to have a steadfast & unmovable faith,
equipped with the complete trust
in your promises and in your presence.

thank you for displaying that ultimate trust
in the example of your Son, Jesus Christ.
we praise you, we love you, we thank you. amen.

cotton candy clouds.

God, i am constantly in awe of your creation.
you know the stars by name, you hold the universe in your hands,
you made every petal on every flower, you paint the skies with colors
and you still care about each one of us.
thank you, Lord.

one year.

it has been a whole year since this.







this past year has been quite an adventure indeed. God has blessed me beyond measure. He's been so good in surrounding me with great people who love in ways that both encourage and sometimes frustrate me, but help me grow in my walk nonetheless. He's also brought some heavy stuff in my life, which has prompted me to trust in Him more. only by His grace have i learned so much as i re-dedicated my life to following Christ and discovered the blessings of placing Him at the forefront of my life. i pray that in this upcoming year, God grants my desires to serve and love Him more and more!


[and who woulda thunk that the third girl sitting behind me would become one of my bestest friends?!... even though it looks like she's hating on me in the pic. awwww amyyyyy!! congrats on one year since we proclaimed our faith in the waters of baptism. cheers to more years of friendship, encouragement, venting, woman-of-God devotionals, slumber parties and more awkward moments! love you sister!! ]

thanksgiving.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
[Isaiah 55:8-9]

i have been thinking a lot lately. and i mean a lot. i believe that my heart belongs to God, but apparently my mind is fused with my flesh as i often strive to satisfy selfish ambitions and entertain prideful thoughts. there are so many times where i try to do so much that i realize that i don't know what i'm doing anymore. at this almost-post-college-but-not-quite phase of life, there are plenty of questions being raised and the answers are obviously unknown. i've been neglecting the present and scurrying to plan the future. it's been a recurring flaw of mine to crave that ultimate control. as soon as i think i got it all taken care of, i'm thrown off with a new challenge. every day i need to remember that i do not need to know all the answers because that would take out the mystery & adventure of life. and trying to control everything would be like trying to steal the responsibility of a sovereign God who carefully & lovingly works to direct my life. im so thankful for a God who is extremely patient, especially because i know i am not. i can't explain everything that happens in life, but i can guarantee that our faithful God knows all the answers and plans out every interaction we make and every breath we take. God knows our hearts and recognizes our flaws and still loves us. He loved us so much before we even existed. He loves us even though we tend to slip, fall, stumble and make those mistakes. He loves us so much that He gave up His own Son. and He promises us that He will not leave us or forsake us even in the seemingly loneliest times of our lives. God loves us even when we are so blinded by doubt and worry that we forget to appreciate the very life He has blessed us with to enjoy. just think about that... God loves you. oh man, that truth blows my mind every time.

-----------

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
[Psalm 139:23-24]

-----------

Lord, i pray that You would break me to see more of you. i pray that i would seek to delight in Your beautiful creation and the blessings of the people around me. teach me to love others unconditionally. Lord, only by Your grace can my eyes be opened and heart humbled to completely delight in You and to not be distracted by silly worldly things. forgive me for allowing thoughts to hinder my confidence in You even when i know and believe that You work all things together for good. i pray that i would remember that these trials are set in place to refine us. our feelings are so deceptive and we seek to handle hardships on our own, but i pray that i would remember that when we are weak, You are strong. You are my rock, my refuge, my strength. You are so wonderful and i can't ever thank You enough for everything.

"what are you doing after college?"

i have some options.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,

and all these things will be added to you"

[Matthew 6:33]

thank you.

=thank you God for these reminders today=

of who you are

perfect, holy, powerful, merciful, just, consistent, loving

of who we are

sinful, helpless, vulnerable, weak

of why we need you

because nothing else will satisfy,

because nothing else brings joy,

because we cannot do this alone.

and praise the Lord.

another sinner is saved by grace!

Instead you ought to say,

"If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."

[James 4:15]

my kind of love story...

...is one i'd share with everyone i meet. my kind of love story gives me chills at just the thought of his love. my kind of love story doesn't run my bank account dry. my kind of love story doesn't require me to look a certain way. my kind of love story exists despite my flaws and mistakes. my kind of love story exists because of my flaws and mistakes. my kind of love story does not involve a love that changes overnight. my kind of love story doesn't involve roses, cheesy poems, dinner-and-a-movie, butterflies or shooting stars.

For God so loved the world

that He gave His only begotten Son,

that whoever believes in Him should not perish

but have eternal life.

[John 3:16]

my kind of love story involves a God who loves unconditionally, selflessly, sacrificially, abundantly. my kind of love story involves a God who doesn't just give gifts on a random day in february. my kind of love story involves one perfect gift of Jesus Christ that's more valuable than anything else. my kind of love story was written even before i was alive. my kind of love story involves the truest of all true loves. my kind of love story has a happy ending because there is no ending. my kind of love story will last forever and ever. my kind of love story is eternal. my kind of love story is perfect. my kind of love story can also be yours.

post-23 on post 203.

in just a couple hours of officially turning the big 23, so much happened to make my little heart so overwhelmed with incredible joy as my crazy crickhollow hall became the center of so many SURPRISES!

once the clock struck midnight, the weekly devotional with the bfriend was interrupted by banging on my door. i slowly opened it, only to see my beloved residents crowded around!!balloons, two giant cakes, ice cream and so many smiling faces!

i told them that i was so thankful and proud to be their RA and that i wasn't so sure if i'd be able to spend my birthday with my own family, but that we were family in itself. thank you rezzies for the awesome surprise!

but that's not where zee surprises ended...
little did i know that another dynamic duo was ready to pounce, equipped with my favorite dessert

sneaky sneaky bfriend successfully distracted me as the duo snuck in.

check out helen's play-by-play account
& the video amy made that documented the whole shabang!
===========

other birthday festivities:

^ stonefire grill with church fam and cacho^ dinner @ hooters with my foreal family

===========

and thank you also to those who greeted me with heartwarming texts, emails, messages, phone calls, smoke signals, writing in the sky etc. im so incredibly blessed to have such amazing people in life. beyond that, i give all the praise to God who transformed my foolish heart & mind a couple of years ago and granted me a life worth living and blessed me with people to share it with. now i can attribute such wonderful things to Him, giving the glory where it belongs. it's been a trying year indeed. 20 felt weird, 21 was a little cray cray and 22 felt safe. im not sure what 23 will bring, but it feels good already. my birthday wish? for God to grow and use me to do His work whatever/wherever that may be.

==========

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

[Philippians 3:13-16]

* pics from alice kim & helen wong