be constant in prayer.

"...anything great starts with prayer. not telling him what to do, not saying God here's my plan, I want you to do this, but really just come before God and saying, I don't know what your plan is, I just want you, whatever will bring you most glory, I'm asking you to do that, I'm begging you to do that... are you completely surrendered where you say, okay God, whatever that is then, I just want it to be of you because I'm tired of me. I'm tired of what I can produce, I'm tired of what people can produce, I gotta have something supernatural in my life. It starts with prayer." - "I'm in Love" sermon by Francis Chan

I've been struggling with the recurring idolatry of control. This upcoming in-between-college-and-real-world state has got me in a funk. Even with the rebukes and reminders from the bfriend, I still harbor that anxiety and that need for control. I find myself getting frustrated at lack of responses from employers, other friends telling me about their exciting new ambitions, and the inability to respond when people ask me what I'll be doing post-graduation. For once, in a long time, I just don't know. I have way more questions than answers. But this is all so silly to me. Worry and doubt are clear indicators of a lack of trust, a lack of faith. Why am I striving to create some brilliant post-grad plan for myself? Why do I think I can figure it all out better than God can? Do I honestly think that having it all mapped out will give me the ultimate comfort? Why am I so restless?  

Truth is--- I don't have it all figured out. I don't need to. As Francis Chan says, "anything great starts with prayer," so that is where I am now and that is where I'll be until God opens that door and lays out that path that He so graciously provided. "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future." wow, what a seriously incredible statement of faith.

Lord, convict me of my foolishness. I know You have a plan, I know I should have no fear in the future. Loving God, I know these things deep in my heart, but move in me to live a life where that truth is so real. Lord, I pray I would rest in your wonderful promises and not in my unstable plans. In Your holy and precious name, amen.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, 

plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

[Jeremiah 29:11]