i can't believe it. three years living in this comfy irvine apartment. it's taking me weeks to actually pack up my stuff, somewhat because of laziness and somewhat because of denial...
^ the original198 roomies. ^ summer '06 roomies.
^ my 20th birthday. february '07. ^ end of the year dinner. june '07. ^ Christmas '07. ^ at our best. january '08. ^ my 21st birthday. february '08. ^ thanksgiving '08. ^ vegas trip '08. ^ my 22nd birthday. february '09. =========
i clearly didn't know what i was signing up for when i agreed to live with this crazy bunch. the late night/early morning meals, the rock band sessions, the late night bonding, idle laptop lounging, american idol/reality tv watching, LOST nights, game nights, crazy nights, picture taking, random conversations. and although i was costantly in and out of this place, making it more of a pitstop, i thank God for the experiences here. i really did gain a second family while living in this home away from home. i really appreciate everything that 198 has contributed to my college years (so far). and thanks for all the visitors who stopped by and added their own special flavor to this place (we hope you enjoyed our couch/floor). thank you 198 & Co. for the constant support, funsises and love. =========
favorite 198 pictoral (fun with photoshop)
favorite 198 video (karaoke night)
cheers to three years of memories at 198. love love love love you guys!
i went home for a couple of days. & this is what i encountered:
a picture-perfect view as soon as i arrived.
an anxious little puppy.
and hardcore Lakers fans, ready to celebrate the championship!
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my main purpose for my return was to pack/unpack/re-pack my stuff... for moving out of my apartment/moving back home/moving into the dorms. i dug through boxes of souvenirs and "knick-knacks" from experiences from way back in elementary school to recent years. it was pretty tough to let some things go and somewhat of a relief to throw out other things.
upon venting about how bummed i was to be selling my beloved childhood house, jurr suggested that i should start thinking "heaven-minded". i was reminded me of how things are just things. he reminded me that some people don't even get to live in a house, let alone a nice house for 15+ years. i realized how much i took that house for granted while i lived there. and now that it's about to be sold, i realized the excessive value i placed on a house, a replaceable place.
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Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. [Matthew 6:19-21]
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regardless of how precious i consider our material belongings, they do not hold nearly as much value as my family, my friends, my faith and the wonders we'll encounter in Heaven.
thank you God for always providing for us and for placing people in our lives who point us to You.
i was particularly blessed by a sunday evening rock harbor service (06/07/09). pastor chad preached on the prodigal son, a familiar parable, depicting God's love and forgiveness to those who repent and humble themselves to Him. the rebellious son turned to a worldly lifestyle, engulfed in sin. after recognizing how empty that "reckless living" was, he returned to his father, feeling unworthy of any provisions or refuge or love. the son was disappointed in himself and didn't expect his father's forgiveness after admitting his disobedience. but this loving and compassionate father was overjoyed of his son's return and demanded a grand celebration. what an unexpected blessing!
oh man, pastor chad was right when he said that we would not hear that parable like we ever did before. he discussed that like the forgiving father in the parable, God also performs that great forgiveness with us. even with our sinful nature, constant rejection and temptation to stray away from God, He still grants us his abundant love. He doesn't care what mistakes you've made in the past (Lord knows I’ve made my share of ‘em). You don’t need a long list of good deeds you’ve done to make up for anything, as long as you return to Him in faith with a willing and repentant heart. no obligation for frequent rituals and obligations, just a relationship grounded on faith. it's free love---reliable, unending, abundant, steadfast. it's just our choice if we want to accept the greatest gift imaginable. pastor chad also included that leaving us with this free will was the most merciful act God has ever done because living life alone--- trying to endure these trials with unreliable methods, filling voids with more emptiness--- just shows how much we really need something/someone to save us from ourselves. and how awesome is it that God, because He loves us, already sent that Savior, Jesus Christ, who died to forgive us for the countless sins of all mankind. i must say that is pretty awesome indeed. PTL!
after the message, a girl named kim shared her testimony of a life wrapped up in meaningless sex, heavy drug/alcohol abuse, and unhealthy abusive relationships. after years of chaos, she acknowledged that something was missing--- she turned to Christ and now has this intense joy in her life that she never experienced with anything before (the temporary effects of drugs/alcohol/relationship could never match the joy she has now in her faith). i was really taken aback and really encouraged by her life story. i was able to speak to her briefly after the service and she explained to me that she doesn't regret anything because now it is part of her testimony that could maybe help lead others to Christ; she's just so thankful that God gave her a second chance. it's so easy to think "man, my life sucks" and then you actually open your ears to such suffering others have endured. pastor chad explained that “everyone has their own grace story” where God’s grace was poured out into their lives to draw them back Him. it's not at all a coincidence that people often turn to Christ after realizing how empty their life is. becoming more than just a believer and fully becoming a follower really makes a difference. personally, i think it has been the best decision i've ever ever made. regardless of where you've been, what you've done, what you've experienced, i'm constantly reminded that everyone needs a Savior.
praise God for His grace. because i am constantly reminded that without Him, i am nothing but because of Him/with Him/through Him, i have everything i need.
as always, im more than happy to talk more about this. so whenever you'd like, whenever you're ready, im here to listen :)
Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.
What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." [James 4:13-15] ========
my original plans fell through so i temporarily abandoned a couple life-list items, pushing my idealistic ambitions to the back of my head. months passed and now i feel like God has been sprinkling signs all over to draw me back to those original plans. maybe it's better that i didn't pursue such big dreams before because they were clearly for self-centered gain anyway. and living for yourself can be quite empty. but now i have the resources, a re-ignited passion, and the right focus.
======== Commit your work to the LORD and your plans will be established. [Proverbs 16:3] ========
as with all things in life, anything can happen. it's all in God's hands and i need to be mindful of blessings in every situation... even if these plans of mine fall through once again. i really need to further develop a steadfast trust in the Lord in this situation and every other part of my life. it's so easy to try and take control of our lives, building up self-centered lifestyles and forgetting to completely depend on God. it's so easy to claim that A, B and C will happen in X, Y, and Z amount of time. while "wishful thinking" may help to keep your eye on the prize, it is through prayer and trust in God that you will find the comfort & inspiration to actually move forward.
======== Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. [Proverbs 3:5-6] ========
so... if the Lord wills, next summer i will be in Thailand and the Philippines for missions. between now and then, i want to grow closer to God, i need to learn more, develop my knowledge, read more and definitely pray more about it. im obviously feeling unprepared right now, so i really need God for strength and guidance, to push me towards this ginormous goal. i hope i can keep Him at the center through all this excitement. but i also understand that if these particular aspects of my future do not turn out how i want them to, i know it's all in God's good plan for me. because i've learned that where you end up is exactly where God wants you.
it was somewhat of an odd feeling being at graduation(s) this weekend, seeing my fellow class of '05 friendsies all decked out in their caps, gowns and leis as their proud friends and families gathered to share the experience. there are snipits of time where i wonder if i should've planned out my college path a little better in order to wrap everything up in the usual four years. but i suppose the 4-year plan just ain't for me. im sure God kept me around one more year for a reason i shall find out soon enough. so yayy victory lap!
congrats to all you lovely anteater ladies & gents who made it through the cray-cray college years! im so proud of yalls! have fun out there in the "real world". come visit! free swipes galore!rafael gaskell piamnote, aka skelly.playing favorites.congrats girl-roommate!mchs '05 ladiesproud momma of this spohana grad!2/5 of 198 graduated...not bad.patreez, you did it!proud anteater.UP-inspired. preparing for next year :)
old executive board reunion. ^ jurr and i *study-bomb* some friendsies! ^ post-bible study hangout. 7 girls' attempt to finish chili fries @ the hat. children's sunday school. God's already blessed these kiddos with incredible talent! Titus, age 5. ^ WOW! put my failed attempts at drawing to shame. ^ CIE staff end-of-the-year potluck. ah yes, the perks of working on-campus
(most of) CIE staff advisors and peer advisors 08-09. ^ best professor at uci takes his favorite peer assistants to lunch @ ruby's shake shack. monkey flip shake goodness.
enjoying the coast, exchanging plans for the upcoming year, sharing ideas about dealing with outrageous budget cuts and gaining insight about the under-valued occupation of teachers. ========== yikes. the year's winding down. more about that whole sitch up next...
a very happy birthday it was for my young-at-heart dad! i praise God for his eagerness to grow in his faith, for his never-ending support, for his random calls to check up, for his silly sense of humor, for his constant love thru any circumstance.
Daddy, you're still the coolest guy i know.it was quite the celebration as the sisters and brother #2 ventured to lovely Old Town for some foreal mexican food on an ever-so-beautiful sunny san diego day.
thank you casa guadalajara for reminding me why i really do love san diego. it's gotta be good if they're busting out fresh tortillas off the grizzle. our eyes were definitely bigger than our tummies that day. and after this fried ice cream, we were especially stuffed. missy: i haven't been this full in a veeeeery long time. but we were still in good spirits as the awesome mariachi band sang "feliz cumpleanos" a mi papa.
with brother #2 (and his new books!)
we'll always be his little girls. thank you for everything pops. we love you so much!
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul [Proverbs 2:10]
thank you God for the many opportunities you have given to me lately. perfectly random times to talk about your goodness. i admit, it has been quite a struggle at times to be confident in myself because i often feel pretty incompetent. i get nervous and my fear of man overpowers my ability to quickly recall verses or articulate my thoughts. my anxiety over their potential response + being an adequate messenger of the gospel create a mess of emotions. i think that was the problem... i was depending too much on myself. i have to remember that only God changes hearts, so all i can do is hopefully plant seeds and patiently wait as God gives them the nourishment that they need. ========
it's been exactly a year since i've "returned to my faith". although i can recognize my growth in just a year, it's so easy to compare myself to more experienced mature Christians. but i've come to the realization that God works on us at different rates. it took about 21 years for me to fully submit and actually start really listening to God. better late than never for sure. im nowhere near being an ideal Christian (well, because no one can actually be perfect except Jesus himself), but i have hope that God will continue to grow me through various experiences. im sooooo thankful for the people who help guide me thru my walk, constantly encouraging me and even the ones who challenge my faith because even those challenges push me to learn more. i pray that God continues to work in me so that i may be able to be a light to others who are seeking meaning in their lives. but i know whatever confidence, strength and wisdom i have is not because of me... it's all because of him.
Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant [2 Corinthians 3:5-6a]
that you've dedicated your time and heart to for four whole years?"
^ first practice. gamma year. ^ clippers game. delta year. ^ vibe. epsilon year. ^ first practice. zeta year.
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this weekend was my fourth and final mcia retreat. for most of the time, i was feeling rather numb. it was surreal. i was in denial. i didn't know what to feel. i wasn't exactly sad because i'll still be around next year. i wasn't exactly overjoyed because of the realization that my time as a member of the team was coming to an end. i think the primary feeling i had was contentment. i was content with the experiences i gained, what i gave back, the lessons i learned, the friendships i made. im so undeserving and blessed that i had the chance to dance among passionate, wonderful people. mcia has been 4/5 of my college years. mcia really has changed my life.
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our team motto "all love" often gets thrown around. i really hope by now you all understand what that implies and you are able to appropriately apply it. it's not just something we get stitched into our sweaters every year. love is so much deeper. all love = to..love..all. it surpasses circumstances, emotions, conflicts or situations. it's a love that doesn't make sense at times, but really... it's the only kind of love that has meaning.
i can't help but think about this kind of crazy unconditional love in God's unfailing love through the sacrifice of Christ. Jesus gave up his life in love and obedience to God and for the forgiveness of sins for all mankind. because we have sinned, we don't deserve that love. nonetheless, God gives us love, He allows us to love and provides us with those opportunities and people to share our love. because of Him, i've been able to face abundant trials and enjoy many blessings during my time with mcia. and without Him in my life, i would not even be able to recognize how unique and precious being on the team truly is. so thank you God for blessing me with this mcia family. i don't deserve them and, yet, through these four years, i have observed Your abundant goodness and grace through all the blessings i have encountered with them.
marlo's video message was on point when he referenced from the Word of God:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [1 Corinthians 13:4-7]
now that's love.
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i actually made several drafts of what i wanted to write about regarding my experiences and current feelings about our beloved mcia, so these snipits of ideas are just a little preview. im just frazzled. (hopefully i'll be able to gather my thoughts and better articulate my feelings by the time i contribute to The Book). although i have a 1000001 things i wanted to talk about, it really kept coming down to these three things:
1) mcia, i am so proud of you. 2) mcia, thank you for everything. 3) mcia, i love you.
^ the original198 roomies.
^ summer '06 roomies.
^ the original198 roomies.
^ summer '06 roomies.
^ my 20th birthday. february '07.
^ end of the year dinner. june '07.
^ Christmas '07.
^ at our best. january '08.
^ my 21st birthday. february '08.
^ thanksgiving '08.
^ vegas trip '08.
^ my 22nd birthday. february '09.
favorite 198 video
