ciao 2008!

The final stages of my college career have made its imminent appearance. I still don’t know whether new & different obligations will keep me here at UCI for another year (victory lap!), but I trust that I’ll end up exactly where I should be. In the same way, the end of this wonderful 2008 year is rapidly approaching. Since maybe October, I’ve started several year-in-reflection posts, but my loathing of letting things go has prevented me from actually completing an entry. So much has happened in 2008 that my head is already spinning, trying to pinpoint every detail.

So here goes yet another attempt to whip this post out.

Some snipits: Started this blog (ha!). Re-adjusted after studying abroad in Italy. Turned 21 (and then stopped drinking shortly after). New York with the sibs. SPOP returner Gold Year SPohana. Rex and I broke up. Reunions and playtime. MCIA Epsilon year finishes and Zeta Year begins. One of four team captains, 4^th (and final) year on the team. 198 home sweet home once again and all its adventures. Family matters. Broken. Eyes opened. Working two jobs. Ate Mae’s engaged!. New friendsies. Letting go of things. Started attending Christian fellowship bible church. Began “courting” that julian guy.

To help me in this reminiscent process, I referred to old posts since I started this blog at the end of December after returning from my Italian adventures. I noticed that when I came back, I wasn’t the same, I was conflicted. Something was missing, something was wrong with how I was going through life. For months after my return, I blindly continued in my routine ways, ignoring God’s push to move me elsewhere.

I think above all the changes I’ve endured throughout the year, I think the most significant event was my “spiritual revival”. I used to refer to it as a “spiritual transformation”, but I think revival is more appropriate because it indicates a restoration of life. I reached an ultimate low point mid-way thru 2008 and I needed something/someone to trigger that revival and I know I’ve found just what I’ve been missing. I feel like my life took this remarkable turn when I let go of worldly things and grasped onto my faith. God has definitely made His presence known throughout this year, specifically in the last half of the year where my heart was breaking for multiple reasons. I highly doubt that I could’ve overcome these challenges if I hadn’t given my life completely to Him. I'm still fighting these everyday struggles, but with God on my side and the push from various support systems, i am not so afraid. All of this because I finally accepted jurr's persistent invitations to attend a single bible study. Ah yes, God's perfect timing.

And now by His grace, my eyes are opened to this brighter side of life that I failed to recognize during my self-centered past. I always thought that I could get through all this on my own, but now with God and His teachings displayed through Christ, the support from the bfriend and other cfbc friendsies, I feel more ready to pursue this spiritual walk. I am now more understanding, more trusting, more at peace during rocky situations because I know that “all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose”- Romans 8:28 (jurr, that reference in the yogurtland parking lot really made an impact on me). I’ve always believed in God, I’ve always went to church, but it’s different now. I’m learning for me, I’m allowing Him to guide my life…completely. I’ve never felt so good about not being in control (and if you know me, you know that’s a personal challenge). I attribute all the blessings (ginormous and tiny) to Him. I know I don’t deserve any of them, but I am forever thankful for His amazing grace.

Intrigued? I'm always down to talk.

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I love when the new year rolls around. It’s the perfect opportunity to begin with a clean slate. I know I’ll be starting off the year fresh with this new state of mind, new ambitions, new relationships, and (re)new(ed) faith. I am ecstatic to see where God takes me, the twists and turns, the hardships that He will use to grow me, the blessings He will use to remind me of His constant presence. 2009 will be mighty fine (sorry, I couldn’t think of a better rhyme).

I definitely encourage yalls to reflect on this past year. Take note of the mistakes you made and acknowledge the accomplishments...and then maybe throw in a thank you to the man upstairs for both. Love you all. See you wonderful ladies and gents in 2009.

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to all of YOU, those who inspire and challenge me, the ones who calm my anxieties, the ones who make me laugh way too hard, the ones who remain by my side despite change, the ones who are proof that God exists:

[from postsecret.blogspot.com]

THANK YOU.

nutshell version of vegas

^ Night 1: The Bank

^ steak & eggs breakfast

^ Venetian.
^ Night 2: JET.^ 198 all did-up
^ last group pic. post-Wynn buffet.

mission accomplished friendsies. <3

In stores and all over tv, i keep hearing how people aren't exactly enjoying the holidays as much because of all this economic crazy talk. That's really sad that this society defines Christmas as an annual event to empty their bank accounts to give =things= while neglecting the true reason for the season. Please do not forget the reason why we celebrate CHRISTmas. It's not about the expensive gifts, time away from work/school, or stuffing our faces with food (although I do absolutely love that part). It's ultimately to remember that God sent His son Jesus into this crazy world. He did so many amazing things, including sacrificing himself for you and me (yes, amazing indeed). Be especially mindful and very thankful for all that during the holiday hustle and bustle. Happy birthday Jesus and merry Christmas to all you lovely people!

Take care of yourselves and each other.
Thank you for everything. Love you all. God bless.

<3 lody.

next up: 2008 reflection..that'll be a doozy.

BREAK!

After quite a demanding first week of “break”, I am beginning to understand why I had to endure so much stress. I think God wanted me to constantly be the usual productive busy bee so I could appreciate such a rewarding, joyful, lovely, fun-filled, blessed weekend among friends and family. Although I cannot even begin to comprehend His intentions, I can acknowledge His presence through every hectic and happy moment of the week. He provided me with just enough time and energy to complete what I needed to. And now that I managed to handle most of my business, the rest of my workload can now come at smaller increments. Throughout the week, I constantly prayed for a content heart and clear mind. And viola! He has graciously granted just that (for the time being at least, but I’ll gladly accept whatever I can get). I guess in order to catch a glimpse of that splendid rainbow, you need to face the storm. And here’s some tidbits of the past several days:

THURSDAY
yogurtland, playtime with this cutie & target shopping with ate geneyem

FRIDAY
spontaneous playtime with jurr in the middle of nowhere.
then cupcake decorating...gone overboard.

SATURDAY
Farols' annual Christmas party
white elephant style.

All these splendid events have left me exhausted, so that's it for now. Next up...MELEN breakfast date, the true spirit of CHRISTmas, vegas trip with 198 & co., 2008 reflection.

break?

monday. woke up at 8 am. said my daily prayer for guidance, patience and a hopeful request to acknowledge Him in everything I do. made my daily visit to the gym, another 3.5 miles and made my rounds to those silly weight machines (I need to fit comfortably into that bridesmaid dress, bleh). post office. trip to campus to visit the best professor at uci (jeff johnston) with my fellow TA’s (and to drop off a snazzy picture frame). mcia cabinet meeting at souplantation. work #2, two hours of studying Egyptian pharaohs and integers. helped my sister with stuffing her wedding invitations. yes, this is the kickoff to my winter “break”. I already have most of this week planned out. I’m pathetic. I am not complaining or seeking sympathy in any way, just purging these odd thoughts and this peculiar feeling I have at this very moment. I am absolutely content and grateful for the time and energy that God grants me to manage each day. I have to remind myself that I do love what I do and, for this, I am thankful.

And now it’s 2:20 am, the roommates are sleeping, the rain’s coming down pretty hard…and I can’t sleep. I'm exhausted & delirious, which means this flow of thoughts may be delivered in a jumbled manner. I’m beginning to think that my overload of work throughout my college career has created an unceasing feeling of anxiety every single day and even more so at night. It is now 2:40 am. There is a relentless sense of incompleteness, like there is always something to be done. I suppose college is the perfect time to work on yourself, to spend this not-yet-“settled-down” phase to really grow individually, to pursue those personal life goals while you’re young and fearless. Maybe I’m drowning in all these obligations in recognition that I ain't getting any younger and I need to occupy my time with meaningful, productive things. I just really hope that, in the future, I am not addicted to work. I pray that the future God has in store for me is centered on love. Love for my future family, love for friends, love for my career and an ever-growing love for God.

And now it’s 2:52. and I give up on this self-pity thing.
I have two stable jobs, a warm apartment and an education.
I have food in my fridge and enough money to get by.
I have various support systems.
I have a wonderful boyfriend.
I have a healthy, loving family.
I have supportive, resilient parents.
I have my God who provides all these good things.

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on a side note..here's more holiday pictorals:

our late-night attempt at a gingerbread house.

SPohana reunites for our secret santa gift exchange.

what more could i ask for? be thankful for everything & everyone, friends.

mi manchi, italia

Nala's getting in the Christmas spirit too!

yup, this is what i do when i go home.
my pup's a natural model.

just keep swimming

Julian: “And in all of this…how much time do you take to count the pros?”

Even in challenging times, I suppose it’s our human nature to direct our focus on the negative factors that drag us down. Shake your fist, curse the world, kick the ground, slam the door, take out all possible frustration on others. Fortunately, I can now cling to my revived faith to keep me moving, to be patient with how events play out, to “trust that there's a light at the end of this dark dark tunnel”.

I am increasingly grateful for the incredible support systems of family, friends, teammates, roomies, co-workers, boyfriend and most importantly God, the creator of all good things in life. Many many many thanks to these awesome people for keeping me grounded and pushing me forward, my roots and my wings.

A special kudos to the b-friend for being there, for understanding that it’s okay to just listen and for always redirecting me to Him at those times where I want to stray away. I’m really thankful for you jurr. I really do think you have no idea.