move along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do

And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

(Move along)

(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

I started reading the Bible again.

With me being excessively analytical about almost everything, I tend to fall into those blah periods where I take a step back and kind of evaluate my life…where I’ve been, how far I’ve gone, and where I want to be in x amount of time. It’s a little scary…or actually extremely terrifying…to realize that mid-20 is quickly coming up, the age where as a child I imagined myself as an “adult”…or at least on a steady path to adulthood. And with my return from Italy, the beginning of real school, less hours of sleep, longer nights of bondage…and struggles to balance all that I have and all that I want, I can’t help but find myself in some kind of rut. I can’t figure out if it’s because of my constant desire for something new & exciting or the acceptance of “it is what it is” that’s provoked such mixed feelings. [not really sure if that all makes perfect sense] Regardless, it’s the strange funk that occurs every now and then…and for some unknown reason, i suppose it's now…

Here I am, freaking third year in college, extra-curricular accomplishments under my belt, so sure of my future career in Education, another year pursuing the passion of dance on MCIA. Im holding on to major ambitions, life goals and dreams that are bigger than myself. Plans to be a SPOP staffer again this summer and an RA my 5^th year...credentials and grad school somewhere down the road. With the encouragement from a couple of friends, I am continually trying to develop my faith in God and hopefully I’m on the right track. I crave knowledge to expand my book smarts and general understanding about life. I enjoy deep conversations and spontaneity. I want to learn about people beyond the surface…about their childhood, their goals, their families, their crazy ideas.

You might read this as a self-glorifying/self-absorbed post, which is definitely NOT what I intended. I think blogs are created to initiate thinking or stir up a dialogue between writer & reader, or to expose personal thoughts without the awkward obligation of instant feedback. Nonetheless, I think ill just keep pushing through and exercise my right to get my ramble on. I suppose this post became a little contradicting with the initial "what am i doing with my life?!" then a turn into "man, not too shabby". I am more than happy about how God has mapped out my life thus far, full of challenges and blessings. I just hope that I’m taking what He’s throwing at me and using it in the right way.

In conclusion,

Life is good yo. Be thankful.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose”- Romans 8:28

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random snipit of the day

idealistic future

"There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost... the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is... I've always been a fool"

"im gonna spend the rest of my life looking for her"

"Things will turn out the way you want, if you stop doubting that I love you"

"I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be"

"You don't realize, this is good, this doesn't happen often in your life. We can work this stuff out. I want to help you, you know? We need each other..."

"I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality"

"if you're a bird, i'm a bird"

"how wonderful life is now you're in the world"

"Sure Looks Good To Me"
-A. Keys

Life is cheap, bittersweet
But it taste good to me
Take my turn, crash and burn
That's how it's supposed to be

So don't rain on my parade
Life's too short to waste one day
I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

Time passed by and leaves you behind
Take it naturally
Heaven knows (OH) There's so much more
More than what we see

So don't rain on my parade
Life's too short to waste one day
I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

Deep in my mind Im secure we can buy
I wanna see the light before I die or I lie in an empty space,

The darkness comes and I've been telling my soul
And me and myself we turn around, we're getting old,

But the lightning crashing, foolish emotions
From the bruises and the beauty in this moment that we're feeling,

And I feel like I'm seeing the world inside of me
But I can tell you that I know, it's getting easier to breathe,

There's a cold in the morning, endless equation
Of who've we've become, it's a complex situation

So live, love, life give love
Live, love, life, give love
Live, love, life, give love
It's who are we anyway

So don't rain on my parade
Life's too short to waste one day

I'm gonna risk it all, the freedom to fall
Yes it sure looks good to me

fresh.

Soooo... Its 2008, definitely a new year, not so much to say it’s a new me. Im not exactly sure where this post is gonna go. I just know im the only one awake at 198 and this is where my idle internet-lingering has led me. Since the first and last posting, plenty has happened like um…Christmas!! Despite the depressing aftermath of bankruptcy following gift-buying…I loooooove the holiday season. As always, i spent Christmas with family and friends, surrounded in good vibes, good food and lots of love to go around.

Our annual Farol xmas party was in Oxnard and this year’s theme was DISNEY! Woot woot! So my fam took it back old school and the Cruzies became NEWSIES!! As always, it was lots of fun with my crazy family, awesome gifts, and even more awesome costumes. Christmas morning was spent with the usual tradition of waking up early and exchanging gifts. I love how despite the chaos going on in my life, being surrounded by family is an immediate picker-upper.

I’m also glad that my brother can make it out to celebrate the holidays every year. Im really proud of him for being independent, moving out to freaking New York and establishing a teaching career. He often expresses the challenges of teaching defiant 4^th grade students but also the rewards of making it work. It makes me look forward to my own future as a teacher. My sisters are working towards their goals too. Ate mae’s moving towards another degree at the Art Institute and Meechy’s working full-time before heading towards nursing school. As the youngest child, I suppose it’s normal to admire and look up to your older siblings… but oh maaaaaan, I respect each of them for so many reasons. I’m really proud of all of them.

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So 2008, huh? I somewhat know the jist of what I’m getting myself into and what I really hope follows through. Winter quarter- my return to real school, 16 units [2 psych, 2 education classes]. It’s weird how when I come back, there’s this huge new student center and new buildings. I feel like im a freshman overwhelmed by a completely new campus, but no doubt im excited to walk through ring road and see friends…and finally have my mind stimulated in my classes, hopefully Ill learn a lot more than I did during my semester abroad. I brought back my old guitar [who I temporarily named Dory cuz it’s a pretty blue], dusted it off and swore to ignore the bad memories that I associate with it. So far, brento’s teaching me the basics, which is beyond helpful. I plan to follow thru with it this time. Hopefully ill be dancing on mcia again, but we’ll see how that goes after a private audition. Ive also picked up a sweet tutoring job. Its in-house tutoring with elementary to high school students in any subject, a lot less stressful than being in a classroom with rebellious high school kids at Cypress. Hopefully ill be able to begin to pay my parentals back for the mucho expenses they’ve covered in life. But otherwise, looks like it’s going to be a pretty easy quarter [fingers crossed], laid back and chill, which Im really trying to make the theme of my fresh new lifestyle…and so far, im loving it.

I just realized I don’t like the direction this post is going. Im kinda just writing to write, considering me and the roomies made epic plans to take over the world today…and right now, I see little signs of embarking on that journey. All right, there seems to be a slight detection of movement. I’ll blog later when I have more to ramble on about.