I fell in love with his voice in a coffee shop, way back in high school. I’d listen intently, infatuated by his passion and natural talent. Oh man…his voice, his smile, his style, just the positivity radiating from him. After that, casual encounters at random parties and hangouts. I definitely wasn’t as close to him as others, but in those various interactions with him, I knew he was something special.

There’s so much to say that I wish I could have said to him. Everything I did want to say I put into a prayer and directed it towards him. Ray IS such an inspiration from music, art, traveling, just being himself! He didn’t judge and always had something positive to say.

I feel as if this is a selfish blog because I’m explaining how Ray has influenced ME. Don’t get me wrong…. Ray IS an inspiration to many and people will probably notice within a week with myspace bulletins or pictures or shot outs…etc. I’m not alone in saying that Ray has placed a huge stamp of motivation in my life. In my opinion he was the most selfless person I actually KNEW in real life. – cine’s blog

I had seen a bunch of myspace bulletins about ray in the morning, but nothing really hit me to connect the dots that it was this same talented guy they were referring to. I don’t know how I felt when I got the text from cine. With so many personal downs for me lately…I couldn’t help but re-direct my own heartbreak to the family and friends of ray who had celebrated his birthday the night before. I immediately prayed for his loved ones, his oside extended family, and for anyone who was touched in any way by this young man. And through all this, all I could really do was search for appropriate comfort through the Word…

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. [Matthew 5:4]

I understand how it takes moments and trials like these for someone to re-analyze their life. The truth is…every day, every moment, every struggle, every blessing and every hardship should provoke praise in God. If you don’t exactly understand how even the hardships could lead to thanks, I am more than happy to talk about it.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. [Romans 5:1-5]

When you feel helpless, pray.

When you need comfort, pray.

If you’re like me during times like these,
when you don’t know what to feel, pray.

Rest in peace Raymund Orias.

hopeless

During a car ride back from pho having with 55 spop staffers, the intriguing topic of relationships and romance arose. The two ladies and three gentlemen in the car eagerly asked each other about likes/dislikes, definitions of romance, how to woo a girl/guy, expectations that come with relationships etc etc. While the conversation left both genders relatively frustrated and more confused, we managed to conclude that “it’s subjective, it’s different for every person” and “it’s circumstantial”. Well…duh. As much as I love to give advice or pick apart the intricate aspects of relationships, the subject is far too complex to make any type of conclusion after one conversation.

So I made another attempt to pick some brains about this lingering topic. This time, it was my beloved roomies of 198 who would attempt to enlighten me. Again, two girls and three guys would try to gain insight from each other. What began as a casual story about that previous car ride turned into a whirlwind of passionate opinions, opposing views between the ladies and gents, circular thoughts. The following is what I managed to type during the jumble of “romance and relationships talk at 198”. [NOTE: these are my interpretations of the debate]

TOPIC #1: HOPELESS ROMANTICS

GIRL: Society’s idea of romance is so skewed by the media like romantic movies where like the guy shows up in the rain and shows up at the girl’s door to dramatically express his love.

BOY: I think you have to distinguish between etiquette and romance. For example, paying for stuff, opening doors is just being a gentleman, not romantic.

GIRL: The term “hopeless romantic”…by saying that, it’s more like they’re in love with being in love.

BOY: Hopeless…should be replaced with clueless. There is no set definition of “romance”.

TOPIC #2: HOW TO WOO

GIRL: So we all know that girls like to be romanced and wooed, but do guys like to be wooed too?

BOY: If you’re in tune with the conversations, you just know what they like…then it’s simple.

GIRL: But I think that romance can’t be excessive, definitely in moderation or else it gets played out…and it can’t be cliché like a bouquet of roses. I’m all about the creative stuff and little surprises.

BOY: Well, it’s different for different people. Some girls like that rose petals stuff.

GIRL: So then how does a guy impress a girl?

BOY 1: I like to be spontaneous…dress up…do something they like…surprise them…

BOY 2: …shave regularly…SHOWER.

GIRL: So…basically…maintain hygiene…for once.

TOPIC #3: WHAT A GIRL/GUY WANTS

GIRL: Because of the ideal situations in movies and stuff, girls always want to be wooed and romanced. Guys, on the other hand, want that best friend/girlfriend combo.

GIRL: So then what do guys want in a relationship? Isn’t it true that a guy wants that independence…but with a girl to come home to…while girls become more dependent because of the whole romantic idea.

BOY: Wouldn’t you say even that’s a generalization though? Not all girls want to be romanced, not all guys want the best friend/girlfriend. It’s all subjective.

GIRL: I just think it’s different for girls because we’re kind of on a time crunch. We’re not gonna have…all this for long. That’s why at this age right now, you can’t help but think in the long-term.

BOY: And THAT’S the mentality that scares guys.

GIRL: Well…when I’m old and wrinkly, I still want to be romanced.

TOPIC #4: THE PROBLEM/CONFUSION WITH LABELS

GIRL: What IS the difference between the whole talking, dating, seeing each other…courting?

BOY: Well, I’m not really familiar with the whole courting thing. But I think the hierarchy is…talking is like casually trying to get at someone…then dating and seeing each other is pretty much the same thing, more exclusive to that one person.

GIRL: Why can’t people just say…hanging out and getting to know each other?

BOY: The labels are just for comfort. That’s why you need that whole awkward “what are we” conversation because you need to acknowledge the exclus...exclusiv---exclusivity. You don’t want to be with a girl “just hanging out and getting to know each other” for a long time then you go do some other girl because you thought you and that other girl were “just hanging out and getting to know each other”.

GIRL: I think society’s idea of the progression of a relationship screws up how people approach relationships. It’s like…I like you…okay, now we’re talking…oh wait, now we’re dating…okay, now we need to be boyfriend-girlfriend…okay, and somewhere down the line, we need to be in love.

TOPIC #5: TURN-OFFS

GIRL: What’s like the ultimate turn-offs for a guy?

BOY 1: Clingy…crazy girls, I hate crazy girls. Ghetto…I don’t like ghetto girls.

BOY 2: Hygiene. [lol]

BOY 1: I don’t like it when a girl is too close with her guy friends or ex-boyfriends.

BOY 3: Another big thing is her friends. If her friends aren’t cool then…eh.

BOY 2: Or how she interacts with your friends, that’s always a big factor.

GIRL: So say your friend is really into this girl but you’re not feeling her, would you say something?

BOY: I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and trust their opinions on why they chose that girl. I can usually see why they like them.

TOPIC #6: ON ANOTHER NOTE…

BOY 1: Don’t try to doom me.

BOY 2: But I don’t wanna to do you.

BOY 1: No, DOOM me.

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IN CONCLUSION...there is none. As concluded during a recent life session, avoid having too many expectations, just go with, which is definitely easier said than done. Relationships are complicated and the ideas of romance and love are just as complex. Everyone wants to feel loved, everyone wants that special attention, and as you can see, everyone has very different definitions of it all. Again, it's subjective, it's circumstantial, which leaves me to believe that questioning these ideas is pretty useless. But...oh well. Ciao.

it is well.

"I don't know why you're doubting my ability to understand you. I don't know why you're so embarrassed...you're normal".

Soooo..since my last post, I’ve had somewhat of a blogger’s block. I’ve been trying to be inspired by some event, conversation, witty topic, etc. But the truth is…in just the last several weeks, my life has made some incredible detours that has prevented me from cranking out even a couple paragraphs. I suppose one could even consider my last month to be “eventful” or “life-changing”. I like to think that the recent happenings were a bunch of unexpectedly unexpected twists. And while I don’t mean to utilize this blog as a venue for bragging or venting, let’s just say I cruised on an extreme high of happiness of how things finally worked out only to immediately drop to an ultimate low. I’ve felt euphoric, nostalgic, conflicted, helpless…or actually just a mix of emotions to the point where I didn’t even know how to feel anything at all…numb. Now, I don’t intend to beg for sympathy or “aww, mel, it’s okay, everything will be fine”. This post may not be super entertaining as my first several posts, but hey, there's a little proof that maybe now it's a whole different author. So with that, read on if you’re still interested.

I’m sure you’ve all been there with questions like “why me?!” or conclusions like “no one could possibly understand how I feel right now”. But then what happens after this “ultimate low” when you feel like all the curveballs in the world are thrown at you and you just keep getting kicked when you’re already down? Just as you’re about to completely break down…someone comes into your life to open your eyes, some major event instantly changes your perspective, something picks you up, dusts you off and send you out stronger and better than ever. And then what? You bring up new questions like, “why was I even tripping about that?!” or conclusions like “man, that was silly of me to even worry”. Then you make this serious personal pact to never doubt that a situation will turn out just fine. You're better, you're alive and more prepared for future hardships after that struggle. And that’s that.

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I actually typed out a whole ‘nother page on this topic with the intention to post it and maybe make some dramatic point to potentially alter some minds…but I think it could be better summed up with a quote I stumbled upon in someone’s profile…

"Some Christians are sadly prone to look on the dark side of everything, and to dwell more upon what they have gone through than upon what God has done for them. It is true that we endure trials, but it is just as true that we are delivered out of them. The deeper our troubles, the louder our thanks to God, who has led us through them all and preserved us until today. Our griefs cannot spoil the melody of our praise; we consider them to be the 'bass line' of our life's song, 'The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad.'" –truthforlife

If God brought you to it, He can surely get you through it.
Matthew 6:25-34. Romans 5:1-5. Romans 8:28. WORD.

out of your control

We’ve all had it happen to us..when you don't get what you want..or what you claim you deserve. We put 300% into something and only receive maybe 3% in return. Regardless if that applies to school, a relationship, a friendship, a dance team, or whatever…trust me, I know it’s a little painful when your efforts do not match the results. And while I can’t control how you feel about the loss of what you thought you could easily have, I know that it will be okay. I can almost guarantee that there has never been a time where someone said, “Man, I wish I didn’t learn from that experience. I wish I didn’t become stronger from that loss. I wish I didn’t have that time to grow”. And I’m sure you may feel that no one understands what you’re going through, no one could possibly fathom the magnitude of the pain/regret/anger/disappointment that you feel, which is probably true. But, no one should feel that, not even you. As a super-advocate of everything happens for a reason, this situation that you’re now forced to endure will result in something good. Maybe it’ll force you to mature, maybe it’ll direct your focus on what really matters, maybe it will allow you to dedicate your time and effort in a different area of your life. You need to understand that change is constant and with change comes conflict…but with conflict comes amazing growth.

Another issue I’ve been confronted with lately is timing. And as much as I’d love to, I can’t control time or the sequence that events occur. I can somewhat manage how I spend my hours of the day, but it’s the outside forces that really determine whether that time spent was worthwhile. And the significance/impact of time spent with people definitely outweighs the amount of minutes invested in that interaction. To return to the idea of everything happens for a reason, you obviously can’t expect the unexpected. And as much of a control freak as I am, I understand that you may freak out when things don’t happen the exact way you anticipated. You just need to acknowledge that things happen that are out of your hands and really at His. What’s evolving now could destroy what was previously happening. Or when you thought you had a firm grasp of your life, it could do a 180 with some unforeseen life-changing event. What you had longed for your entire life could be shattered or replaced by some interesting moment that changes your perspective or the path you thought you were supposed to be on.

Regardless, again I encourage you to please have faith kid, it’ll all work out.

REVIVAL

Yeah, im not the same girl I was. I don’t fit into the same size 0 jeans I did when I went thru some self-image issues. I refuse to thrive off drama like I did at the cafeteria tables. Infatuation is a thing of the past. A friend to me is not just someone who gives me rides. Childhood dreams of marrying my high school sweetheart are definitely down the drain, along with my ambitions to be a lawyer or doctor. I don’t go to church just because I follow my parents’ Sunday morning routine. I can’t curse the world for all the downfalls I submit to. I’m not the girl at the party talking jibberish at the party because I’m just a little above the legal limit. I’m really trying not to result to gossip and angry venting sessions as I am to prayer and understanding. My goals and focus on what is important has been somewhat tweaked and I’m often a mess of overwhelming emotions, but it’s okay because stress is temporary, if not non-existent.

I feel like I’ve grown, well hopefully so, considering im coming to the end of my third year in freaking college. I think I’ve just been blessed to interact with some passionate, driven, compassionate people that have not actually made me who I am now, but allowed me to appreciate what I’ve become through the years. I’ve learned to accept personality differences and acknowledge strengths in people that I would normally overlook due to prejudgments. I know this type of post comes at the beginning/end of the year, but right now, I feel like im at a good place right now. It’s not so much safe and comfortable as it is comforting to know I have established genuine relationships and developed a fresh perspective of life. I know I’ve written about this “transformation” several times but really I’ve been feeling refreshed. And yes, there’s always struggle, frustration and times where I just don’t feel right, where i question my intentions and purpose…but ultimately, you really have to abandon that mindset and direct your attention to the positive. Have some faith, it'll all work out.