it's not me...it's You.

for wisdom will come into your heart,

and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul
[Proverbs 2:10]

thank you God for the many opportunities you have given to me lately. perfectly random times to talk about your goodness. i admit, it has been quite a struggle at times to be confident in myself because i often feel pretty incompetent. i get nervous and my fear of man overpowers my ability to quickly recall verses or articulate my thoughts. my anxiety over their potential response + being an adequate messenger of the gospel create a mess of emotions. i think that was the problem... i was depending too much on myself. i have to remember that only God changes hearts, so all i can do is hopefully plant seeds and patiently wait as God gives them the nourishment that they need.
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it's been exactly a year since i've "returned to my faith". although i can recognize my growth in just a year, it's so easy to compare myself to more experienced mature Christians. but i've come to the realization that God works on us at different rates. it took about 21 years for me to fully submit and actually start really listening to God. better late than never for sure. im nowhere near being an ideal Christian (well, because no one can actually be perfect except Jesus himself), but i have hope that God will continue to grow me through various experiences. im sooooo thankful for the people who help guide me thru my walk, constantly encouraging me and even the ones who challenge my faith because even those challenges push me to learn more. i pray that God continues to work in me so that i may be able to be a light to others who are seeking meaning in their lives. but i know whatever confidence, strength and wisdom i have is not because of me...
it's all because of him.

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves
to claim anything as coming from us,
but our sufficiency is from God,
who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant
[2 Corinthians 3:5-6a]