"i dont wanna forget...

...the present is a gift"- a.keys

While I hesitantly confront my fourth year of college, I’m thinking two things: “where the heck did my college career go?” and “holy crap, I’m about to encounter this daunting “real world” that people dread”. Yikes. [insert freakout] Most people who are currently in that “real world” status claim that it’s not too glamorous and always offer that same advice, “enjoy college while you can, it’ll go by way too fast”. I think I’m finally beginning to acknowledge the scary truth in that statement.

Although I absolutely crave spontaneity in my life, I’ve just always been a fan of structure. I’ve always been one to throw myself into various activities, eagerly seeking and exploring new challenges to occupy my time. I believe I thrive off of stress and hectic schedules, sad I know. Before, the concept of insatiability used to be an accurate parallel to my life. I was always unhappy with my current state, always wanting something better than what I had, feeling like I always had to do more…more…and more. Maybe now that’s why I am always busy, always moving in this fast-paced lifestyle. It is not that I’m ungrateful or bored; I suppose I am just in constant search of something new to challenge my current self to then influence my future self.

It’s late and I should be sleeping but hopefully this jibberish makes sense.

Recently, I’ve been browsing through countless websites to search for credential programs, grad schools and programs for teaching abroad, even perusing information about the Peace Corps. Luckily, after plenty of google searches, I think I have established some major ambitions for the next five years, then I realized…I don’t even really know what I’m doing in the next hour and yet, I’ve meticulously plotted out my life until the age 26ish…is that a little strange? I wondered if this was going a little overboard with the preparation, considering so many unexpected events can immediately alter any detailed plan…and considering I only have so much control over my life because it’s not so much in my hands as it is in His.

I guess in our society, there’s obviously this intimidating emphasis on the future, a social theory that the future results are the ultimate prize in life, not the gradual progression. Being successful often refers to the moola, the snazzy cars, fancy house, all the luxuries that society ignorantly associates with success. So we feverishly plan more, work more, spend more, boast more, compare more, want and want more. But this tunnel-vision of the future often causes us to neglect this wonderful present. Sometimes we even ignore the blessings of today because our focus is on the anxieties of tomorrow [Matthew 6:34]. Again, sad I know.

I am not denying the significance of planning a future at all. In fact, personally I am super excited for the path that God will lead me on, whether that’s how my job interview will go tomorrow or what country I’ll find myself at in 3 years or what will happen if things work out between us… I just don’t know. There’s so much mystery that makes life rather intriguing. Do not take for granted all these blessings right in front of you.

And have faith kid, it’ll all work out as it should. [Romans 8:28]

“live each day like it’s the best day of your life”
- hdiaz quoting philee. Word.