Going home to lovely San Diego has always triggered a variety of emotions for me, especially recently. The hour cruising down the 5 gives rise to anxious thoughts of a long list of obligations and the restrictions. Before, I used to be home every weekend and loved spending time with friends and idly hanging around the house with family, but lately I’ve felt more disconnected from "home" than ever. It’s a weird mix of feelings because I thought everyone’s supposed to get those warm tingly feelings when they return to their ‘hoods. I don’t know what it was, but this past weekend’s trip to sd altered my perspective.

With the recent passing of a wonderful person and friend, I think many people have regained their “live life to the fullest because tomorrow may not come” motto. This includes my dearest girlfriends who I admit I’ve slipped in and out of touch with. We took a simple trip to yogurtworld and just did the usual catch-up conversation about relationships, work, school, family, etc. We did the usual joke-making and reminiscing, then before we knew it, time had passed and yogurtworld was subtly kicking us out.

On the ride back with Francine and Stephanie, I was pretty quiet as we listened to Ray’s amazing voice on the Schroeder tracks. From recent events, I’ve come to appreciate car rides a whole lot more. It really is an ideal place to have heart-to-heart talks without awkward eye contact with the convenience of various sights right out the window. So as we were about to pull into francine’s driveway, I made a well-drawn exhale and spilled my heart out. I told them how I appreciate how they continue to maintain our friendships. I told them how I have =purposely= avoided coming down because of a combination of factors. I told them how I’ve been at my lowest points in the last couple of months and little hangouts like these really mean a lot to me. I told them that it’s been hard to come home because of all the negativity, but knowing that I have strong friendships keeps me coming back. After my purge of emotions, they told me they understood I was busy and the reasons why I distanced myself. They reassured me that they were there for me no matter what. Then after the two minute drive to my house, steph and I parked in front of my house and extended our intimate conversation. We continued the conversation about relationships and the dangers of thinking too far ahead. More talk about school and our future careers. We exchanged opinions about priorities and fighting for our own happiness. We even discussed religion, faith and the significance of it all. I told her that even though there’s many silly memories in my past that I wish I could erase, it’s bitter sweet that I have friends who shared those experiences with [including these particular girls who I’ve known since elementary school]. We both agreed that we rarely get these opportunities to stop and have these heart-to-hearts. I told her that yes, it was refreshing. I unbuckled myself, thanked her, told her I loved her and walked to my door.

And with that, I came to the realization again that there’s no need to feel that consistent connection to home. Things change, you are constantly changing. Family and childhood friends do carry great importance in your life. They know who you were and despite your inability to accept it, they can recognize those changes you have made to become this new person. To me, this seems like another “duh” post, maybe even a bit self-centered, but I just wanted to dedicate this to the friends who have pushed me to not settle, the friends who do the simple things to express their care and concern, the friends who unknowingly brighten my days, the friends who are genuinely interested, the friends who understand, the friends whose characters demonstrate admirable qualities, the friends who love for the right reasons. I cannot thank you guys enough.

"P.P.P.S - Stay strong. There are people counting on you, but there are also people you can count on. Not to mention a person that's more than a person."