the story so far

SPOP 1: Camino ROULETTE RAINMAKER$
"Oh craps, it's Camino...where everyone gets lucky"

SPOP 2: Coconut CUMBREakers. Coast to Coast

"hey you! over there, the party's over here"


SPOP 3: Paradise of Rump-shaking All-star Dancing Oysters
(aka Pearls of Prado)
"the world is your oyster"

SPOP 4.5: NUBES!
it's all about us.

SPOP 5: camiNOTORIOUS B.I.G.
Blingin' In Gold

"this spop experience has given me hope for all humanity"- jojo, spop 5

SPOP 6: LaGOSTBUSTERS

"i think of all the schools we've attended, i'm pretty sure this has been the best welcome"
- adam, spop 6

hopefully i have just one more to finish strong...

home

I’ve been frequently taking the hour-drive from Irvine to San Diego to be with family for a number of reasons. Though I often grumble about the traffic and the price of gas, there is no other reason that would keep me coming back home...

My kuya escaped the heat wave of New York to chill in lovely SoCal!
It felt so good to have my family complete even for just a day.

Then yesterday, I took the opportunity to spend some quality time with my not-so-young-anymore cousin, jazzmine [youtube her!]. After a quick trip to the mall, we made a spontaneous trip to our old elementary school, adobe bluffs. Talk about feeling nostalgic. I felt like a giant, the red paint was faded, the new equipment felt foreign to me.

Nonetheless, we let loose.
In a lifestyle full of grown-up responsibilities,
it was refreshing to feel like a kid again.

After about an hour wandering the campus like little girls, reminiscing about our carefree past, we headed home. Then the usual routine- I checked on my grandma and laid beside her, rubbing her back in hopes that it would alleviate some pain. Then God spoke to me to call jazzmine in. “Hey Jazz, Mama liked it when I read the Bible to her. Can you read something for her please?” Without hesitation, she retrieved her post-it-filled Bible, took a seat against the side of the bed and began reading a passage of her choice…Romans 8…perfect. Mama struggled to verbalize her thoughts while jazz dictated the scriptures, but her fragile nods and smiles said it all. I was truly blessed to witness this maturing cousin/granddaughter and our delicate grandmother brought together through the Word. It's moments like these where you cannot doubt God's presence.

what i learned...

...in the two longest short days ever.

1) You don’t have to compromise yourself. I constantly try to focus on the good, always have try to be the upbeat girl, smiling all the time. But I’m human, it’s okay to have some off days. When you start faking it, then you’re just lying to yourself.

2) Designate time for yourself, a moment to breathe and re-gather, time to re-focus yourself on the ultimate purpose. And when that doesn’t seem to help, trust that there are people who support you.

3) Making enemies just as a target to direct your frustrations on doesn’t help the situation. Understand that they too have valid intentions AND feelings. Communication is key. Obviously without communication, there are all kinds of misunderstanding and further frustration.

4) There needs to be a balance between the commitment to what you are involved in and the interests of those participating.

5) Be conscious/cautious of how you express your frustrations. Most of the time, your impulsive reaction is to resort to ugly negativity. When you start shooting out negative energy, it just gets passed on…and we all know that gets you nowhere.

6) Stress is temporary. You will overcome challenges. Everything will work out not necessarily the ideal way you envisioned, but definitely the way it should.

7) SPOP is a beautiful program, full of a diverse group of beautiful staffers and participants. Just when I think I have a full comprehension of what the program offers and what it stands for, it just continues to surprise me with more wonderful blessings.

8) And finally…prayer works. Thank God for everything.

aim conversations

ian: it's really quite interesting
shake: interesting why?
shake: and dont worry..thats mutual
ian: the last comment was for security
ian: haha
shake: hahah..i figured

-----------------------
DER: reading your blog made me realize
shake: ...
DER: how much i missed seeking God
DER: like through everyday actions
shake: ohmigosh..im really glad you just told me that
DER: b/c i've been forgetting what's most important
DER: even in my everyday interactions and actions
DER: i guess i just miss seeking God
DER: and i havent felt that in awhile
DER: i can say that when things dont work out, to just give it up to God
DER: but i feel it's been more of an automatic response
DER: than actually meaning it
DER: i wanna find meaning in it again

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random: i love you! anyways, KEEP IN TOUCH when you can. i always love hearing from you! do work now son! i mean daughter!
shake: i love you too girl
shake: sorry if i can't KIT as much...super busy me
random: duhhh i know we went through this already
random: remember friends for life even when we dont see each other for days, months, or YEARS!
shake: thank you

-------------
yours: so i was thinking
yours: well it was brought to my attention again today that God works in mysterious ways
yours: a clever man he is
shake: yes...and I hear He has a sense of humor
shake: perfect..i think God did that because He saw the connection you guys had and he wasnt ready to let that go..so he brought you guys back together
shake: so yes...mysterious ways

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ian: i'm proud of you too
ian: i can see God's plan
ian: we're right where we should be
shake: i feel the same way

What is your biggest fear? Besides phobias, death is the common response obviously, then interestingly followed by rejection or failure. There is no doubt that everyone wants to be successful…get that money, make a difference, live the good life. But another type of failure was brought to my attention recently…failing as a friend.

Of course you would do absolutely anything for a friend, you want to be there for them regardless of the consequences…even though that principle is not always reciprocated. When your friend needs something, you want to provide it. Even if your friend doesn’t care for it, you want to still give it. Or maybe your friend insists that they don’t want what you are offering, but you give it anyway. There’s this internal longing to succumb to their every need and a persistent avoidance to disappoint them. Sometimes other priorities overpower obligations to friends, perhaps leaving your friend neglected. In another way, sometimes you might consistently offer what you feel they need, which just aggravates the situation. If you’re like me, you often claim that you’re fine and reject any kind of help through personal situations. Like I have in the past, I don’t want to feel dependent on a person to save me from my own issues.

I think my intention of this post is to reassure those people who do feel like they need to be the “damage control” friend that it’s okay if you can’t necessarily solve all of your friend’s problems. And while I am aware that their intentions are good and appreciate their unceasing willingness to offer help, sometimes all you need during tough times is for a friend to say, “hey, I’m here for you if/when you need me”. I think just knowing that you have access to that support and comfort =when you want/need it= is an essential to any friendship.

I love you friendsies. Thank you.

198 late night bondage of roomies

how it works...it's simple. You write out what you think you'll be doing in 5 years, and then what you think the others will be doing. here's what the results were with the roomies:

MY VERSION:

I WILL BE:

• finishing up my masters in Education
• still living in the OC/LA area
• training for an actual marathon
• saving up money to return to Italy to teach English/travel the world
  
• happily with the love of my life/future hubby?!

CAP WILL BE:

• living back in san diego
• finishing up med school
• have a side job as a buyer for a trendy clothes boutique
• engaged to raf…and busily planning her fairytale wedding in balboa park
  

BRENTO WILL BE:

• living in New York
• working at a prestigious engineering firm that makes toys during the day
• bartending at a popular bar in the city at night
• saving up money/about to open up his snazzy restaurant/bar
• had done some marathons/iron man
  

LANCE WILL BE:

• working as a professor of Informatics at UCSD by day
• and music producer for up-and-coming r&b artists at night
• he is currently waiting for positions at ESPN to become a sportscaster, but until then, he is a writer for their website
• living back in san diego with his hot black girlfriend

----------------

CAP'S VERSION:

In 5 Years...

I: will be living on my own apartment/condo, possibly with a roommate, and most likely in San Diego. Job has something to do with bio research/lab stuff, nothing too exciting. Gained 10-15 pounds by then. Shorter hair, but will still look like I'm 20. Still with Raf but marriage/kids not in the near future yet.

Mel: working as a teacher/in some school program outside of San Diego (up North more). Will be into a long term relationship. Lives with Jackie/childhood friend. Will have added more countries to her list to places she has visited. 2 dogs. New tattoo. Short hair, but rocks it natural more often. Does not dance anymore because of being so busy but still keeps in touch/attends dance functions. Active in the community, perhaps founded a program or two.

Brent: living in an ultimate bachelor pad. Living in Irvine still or at least in Orange County. Makes good money, so he loves to treat family/friends to dinner often. Still keeps in touch with high school/Irvine friends. Hobbies include rock climbing, still skateboarding, and his wine collection. Found a way back to the church more than before. Has a girl he is "talking" to, but nothing too serious.

Lance: still kicking it with the same homies. Will have amassed his collection of relevant ICS/computer shirts. Still keeps up to date with the latest video game systems and technology gadgets in general. Keeps all of his friends updated because of his personal blog that he updates weekly. If his brother is not married yet, lives with him. Picked up more musical skills, whether it be faux instruments or real, plus taking center stage for Karaoke at all the family parties, regardless of the status of his voice.

----------------

CACHO'S VERSION:

In 5 years...

Brent:
-Working as an engineer for a good company.
-Plays on the company softball team
-Making at least 80,000, living in the OC.
-Hardly ever drinks.
-Has stable girlfriend.
-Buff from rock climbing membership
-Has tattoo on chest of "Family" in korean

Kristine:
-Has shorter hair
-Still with Raf,
-Likely in grad school or just graduated to become a pharmacist or doctor,
-living in SD
-Still eats healthy snacks
-is 1 1/2 inches taller
-Enjoys the occasional beer along with her usual wine/mix drink habit

Melody: -Teaching or in grad school. -Single -wise beyond her years from years of travel and life lessons. -Living in neither SD or Irvine. -Is a social drinker again -Has had a couple serious relationships, but never called any of them 'boyfriends'

Lance:
-Best man at brother's wedding.
-Working for some unheard of, fledgling software company, not making as
much money as I want.
-Or working for some boring office with a whack IT job.
-Somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 lbs.
-Single. Living alone in Irvine or with David/Tony/Roger in SD.
-Had a girlfriend for at least a couple months sometime during the 5
years, but it ended very badly and is still bitter
-Frequent visitor of strip clubs and brothels.
-Though when he's with a prostitute he spends most of the time crying
rather than actually having sex.

----------------

BRENTO'S VERSION:

I am going to be in Orange County and living in an apartment with a steady engineering job, possibly Parker, saving enough money, and put a down payment on a house with my brother. I will still be dating around. I will be pursuing my masters in business with online classes.

Lance will be living in his house in SD saving a lot of money because he won’t be paying rent. You will be working so he will have the most ridiculous TV, Game systems and sound systems. He will be over drinking and not drink as much. He will be in a long term relationship with a girl, but still finds time for his SD friends.

Cap will be married to Raf and not have children quite yet, but will be thinking about planning to soon. Will be living at home and saving a lot of money and move out when you get married

Squirt will be teaching in Italy and living there and will be in a relationship with an Italian guy. She will love Italy and not want to leave for at least a few more years. No more dancing, but will actually learn to cook.

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that was an interesting activity. i guess we'll see just how much of this comes true.

OH CRAPS. SPOP 1.

I highly doubt that I will have enough time [let alone have sufficient energy or mental capacity] to write about every single SPOP (student parent orientation program)…but I couldn’t help but describe T.F.O. (the first one). I know for many of you, a lot of this will not make sense, which may leave you disinterested, unmoved, or confused. But I don’t blame you. “From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. From the inside looking out, you can’t explain it”…but I’ll definitely try my best.

A couple of days ago, I received the news that I would be a CP of Camino. As CP, you are a returner in the hall that acts as a liaison for your hall and the coords, delegates responsibilities, and ensures that your group of staffers and spoppers are on schedule… among other things. Anyway, considering this was the very first spop of this entirely new program, I had my usual anxieties. Even as a returner, I felt like I knew just as much as these new first-year staffers. But I went into the two days with determination that I would contribute to making this first spop awesome for the staffers and this first glimpse of UCI beyond amazing for these incoming freshmen.

As the two days went on, I realized I didn’t have to do that much work at all. Regardless of the miscommunication and last minute changes to the program schedule, being a CP and going through this new jam-packed program was relatively effortless. My group of staffers [timmy, rhonda, matty, michelle, eric and carol] were such a cohesive team of caring, compassionate, supportive, energetic staffers, which then transferred to the spoppers. I’m so proud of that group, the way they dropped knowledge and made personal connections with the camino-ers was just inspiring. And oh man, in just two very short days together, this group of spoppers was so comfortable with each other. They excitedly came up with hall cheers, played our silly games [and our frustrating mind games], participated in the all-nighter of crazy events, and left feeling excited about UCI. Their enthusiasm kept us going strong. Our cha break, their infamous stick game (their personal favorite), black magic, mafia, fishbowl, hot seat, making a human pyramid, ghost stories, practicing our hall cheers in Aldrich park at midnight, parking structure dance party, crashing other halls…and watching the sunrise at 6 am. The rest of the hall woke up at 8 am, only to find a handful of staffers and spoppers sprawled out on the living room floor and on the staircase. One night without sleep in exchange for unforgettable memories…so worth it.

And then there was the talent show, a showcase of staffers’ commitment to the program and spoppers. I did movie line, spaerobics and of course spop modern. The audience ate it all up. To GOLD modern, I hope you all felt accomplished. Those months of preparation, chaotic schedules and long practices really paid off. Thanks to the choreographers and all the dancers were pushed through it. And also a huge thank you to my co-coord, mr. issac chueng, for keeping my focus and enthusiasm up, dynamic duo fo’sho. Seeing the other staffers cheering in the back and the crowd going crazy at the end was really moving. All the dancers seemed to have fun, which fulfilled ISAODY’s ultimate goal for everyone to perform with their whole heart for the 500+ spoppers in the audience.

The coords were definitely on top of things. Gold year staffers should feel really honored to be working with five dedicated and passionate coords. They kept us on task, kept us focused and inspire us to inspire others.

It was also really a proud moment as a SParent to see my little SPohana kids doin' their thang with their halls. I’m so proud of them and I’m so excited for the millions of spops to come! Woooooooot. I’m so blessed to have started the summer on a high note with super wonderful staffers and spoppers. There was lots of trial and error throughout the two days for everyone, but hey, what’s wrong with learning from mistakes and improvement as you go on? Everyone was drained by the beginning of day 2, but we pushed on. We took advantage of every single moment to reach out to this group. Through our interactions, I hope we succeeded in making unforgettable memories, being resources/role models and eliminating any anxieties about starting college. We all had our hesitation about this new program only being two days, but it gave us the good kind of pressure to take advantage of every opportunity to really get to know these kids.

And from the positive vibes and smiles from the staffers and participants, there are no doubts that SPOP 1 was a success. Just imagine…that was only the first one.
It can only go up from here.

SPOP 1: CAMINO ROULETTE RAINMAKERS

$$$ OH CRAPS, IT'S CAMINO, where everyone gets lucky. $$$

Going home to lovely San Diego has always triggered a variety of emotions for me, especially recently. The hour cruising down the 5 gives rise to anxious thoughts of a long list of obligations and the restrictions. Before, I used to be home every weekend and loved spending time with friends and idly hanging around the house with family, but lately I’ve felt more disconnected from "home" than ever. It’s a weird mix of feelings because I thought everyone’s supposed to get those warm tingly feelings when they return to their ‘hoods. I don’t know what it was, but this past weekend’s trip to sd altered my perspective.

With the recent passing of a wonderful person and friend, I think many people have regained their “live life to the fullest because tomorrow may not come” motto. This includes my dearest girlfriends who I admit I’ve slipped in and out of touch with. We took a simple trip to yogurtworld and just did the usual catch-up conversation about relationships, work, school, family, etc. We did the usual joke-making and reminiscing, then before we knew it, time had passed and yogurtworld was subtly kicking us out.

On the ride back with Francine and Stephanie, I was pretty quiet as we listened to Ray’s amazing voice on the Schroeder tracks. From recent events, I’ve come to appreciate car rides a whole lot more. It really is an ideal place to have heart-to-heart talks without awkward eye contact with the convenience of various sights right out the window. So as we were about to pull into francine’s driveway, I made a well-drawn exhale and spilled my heart out. I told them how I appreciate how they continue to maintain our friendships. I told them how I have =purposely= avoided coming down because of a combination of factors. I told them how I’ve been at my lowest points in the last couple of months and little hangouts like these really mean a lot to me. I told them that it’s been hard to come home because of all the negativity, but knowing that I have strong friendships keeps me coming back. After my purge of emotions, they told me they understood I was busy and the reasons why I distanced myself. They reassured me that they were there for me no matter what. Then after the two minute drive to my house, steph and I parked in front of my house and extended our intimate conversation. We continued the conversation about relationships and the dangers of thinking too far ahead. More talk about school and our future careers. We exchanged opinions about priorities and fighting for our own happiness. We even discussed religion, faith and the significance of it all. I told her that even though there’s many silly memories in my past that I wish I could erase, it’s bitter sweet that I have friends who shared those experiences with [including these particular girls who I’ve known since elementary school]. We both agreed that we rarely get these opportunities to stop and have these heart-to-hearts. I told her that yes, it was refreshing. I unbuckled myself, thanked her, told her I loved her and walked to my door.

And with that, I came to the realization again that there’s no need to feel that consistent connection to home. Things change, you are constantly changing. Family and childhood friends do carry great importance in your life. They know who you were and despite your inability to accept it, they can recognize those changes you have made to become this new person. To me, this seems like another “duh” post, maybe even a bit self-centered, but I just wanted to dedicate this to the friends who have pushed me to not settle, the friends who do the simple things to express their care and concern, the friends who unknowingly brighten my days, the friends who are genuinely interested, the friends who understand, the friends whose characters demonstrate admirable qualities, the friends who love for the right reasons. I cannot thank you guys enough.

"P.P.P.S - Stay strong. There are people counting on you, but there are also people you can count on. Not to mention a person that's more than a person."