monday. woke up at
8 am. said my daily prayer for guidance, patience and a hopeful request to acknowledge Him in everything I do. made my daily visit to the gym, another 3.5 miles and made my rounds to those silly weight machines (I need to fit comfortably into that bridesmaid dress, bleh). post office. trip to campus to visit the best professor at uci (jeff
johnston) with my fellow TA’s (and to drop off a snazzy picture frame). mcia cabinet meeting at souplantation. work #2, two hours of studying Egyptian pharaohs and integers. helped my sister with stuffing her wedding invitations.
yes, this is the kickoff to my winter “break”.
I already have most of this week planned out.
I’m pathetic.
I am not complaining or seeking sympathy in any way, just purging these odd thoughts and this peculiar feeling I have at this very moment.
I am absolutely content and grateful for the time and energy that God grants me to manage each day.
I have to remind myself that I do love what I do and, for this, I am thankful.
And now it’s 2:20 am, the roommates are sleeping, the rain’s coming down pretty hard…and I can’t sleep. I'm exhausted & delirious, which means this flow of thoughts may be delivered in a jumbled manner. I’m beginning to think that my overload of work throughout my college career has created an unceasing feeling of anxiety every single day and even more so at night. It is now 2:40 am. There is a relentless sense of incompleteness, like there is always something to be done. I suppose college is the perfect time to work on yourself, to spend this not-yet-“settled-down” phase to really grow individually, to pursue those personal life goals while you’re young and fearless. Maybe I’m drowning in all these obligations in recognition that I ain't getting any younger and I need to occupy my time with meaningful, productive things. I just really hope that, in the future, I am not addicted to work. I pray that the future God has in store for me is centered on love. Love for my future family, love for friends, love for my career and an ever-growing love for God.
And now it’s 2:52. and I give up on this self-pity thing.
I have two stable jobs, a warm apartment and an education.
I have food in my fridge and enough money to get by.
I have various support systems.
I have a wonderful boyfriend.
I have a healthy, loving family.
I have supportive, resilient parents.
I have my God who provides all these good things.
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on a side note..here's more holiday pictorals:
our late-night attempt at a gingerbread house.
SPohana reunites for our secret santa gift exchange.
what more could i ask for? be thankful for everything & everyone, friends.
our late-night attempt at a gingerbread house.
4 comments:
I'll go ahead and say it. Somewhere along the way of living in the same apartment, I have become the EXACT opposite of you. You can flip every sentence in your entry and it would describe MY Tuesday.
You ain't getting any younger? I ain't getting any younger!
When I feel like things are not going the way I want I remember this.
Matt 6:25ff "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
i find this not so interesting... since i started college i have been so use to being such a busy body....work, school, affiliations, extracurricular that when i have extended moments of just nothing, i don't know what to do with myself. i then begin miss working and being busy...i too hope i don't become a workaholic when i grow up.
i pretty much worked at 10-5 at work for four days...and when i didnt have work, i was like...uhhh i miss it. hahah oh boy
but have a good break melody.
I HATE UNCLE JAMIE!
haha i said "not so interesting" i meant "i found this NOTE interesting..." sorry mel.
I HATE TYPOS!!
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