happy birthday daddy!

a very happy birthday it was for my young-at-heart dad!
i praise God for his eagerness to grow in his faith, for his never-ending support, for his random calls to check up, for his silly sense of humor, for his constant love thru any circumstance.

Daddy, you're still the coolest guy i know.it was quite the celebration as the sisters and brother #2 ventured to lovely Old Town for some foreal mexican food on an ever-so-beautiful sunny san diego day.

thank you casa guadalajara
for reminding me why i really do love san diego.
it's gotta be good if they're busting out fresh tortillas off the grizzle.
our eyes were definitely bigger than our tummies that day.
and after this fried ice cream, we were especially stuffed.
missy: i haven't been this full in a veeeeery long time.
but we were still in good spirits as the awesome mariachi band sang
"feliz cumpleanos" a mi papa.

with brother #2 (and his new books!)

we'll always be his little girls.
thank you for everything pops.
we love you so much!

it's not me...it's You.

for wisdom will come into your heart,

and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul
[Proverbs 2:10]

thank you God for the many opportunities you have given to me lately. perfectly random times to talk about your goodness. i admit, it has been quite a struggle at times to be confident in myself because i often feel pretty incompetent. i get nervous and my fear of man overpowers my ability to quickly recall verses or articulate my thoughts. my anxiety over their potential response + being an adequate messenger of the gospel create a mess of emotions. i think that was the problem... i was depending too much on myself. i have to remember that only God changes hearts, so all i can do is hopefully plant seeds and patiently wait as God gives them the nourishment that they need.
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it's been exactly a year since i've "returned to my faith". although i can recognize my growth in just a year, it's so easy to compare myself to more experienced mature Christians. but i've come to the realization that God works on us at different rates. it took about 21 years for me to fully submit and actually start really listening to God. better late than never for sure. im nowhere near being an ideal Christian (well, because no one can actually be perfect except Jesus himself), but i have hope that God will continue to grow me through various experiences. im sooooo thankful for the people who help guide me thru my walk, constantly encouraging me and even the ones who challenge my faith because even those challenges push me to learn more. i pray that God continues to work in me so that i may be able to be a light to others who are seeking meaning in their lives. but i know whatever confidence, strength and wisdom i have is not because of me...
it's all because of him.

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves
to claim anything as coming from us,
but our sufficiency is from God,
who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant
[2 Corinthians 3:5-6a]

count it ALL joy.

PTL
a post from jurr's blog. take a looksies. :)

bittersweet.

"what are you supposed to say about something

that you've dedicated your time and heart to for four whole years?"

^ first practice. gamma year.
^ clippers game. delta year.
^ vibe. epsilon year.
^ first practice. zeta year.

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this weekend was my fourth and final mcia retreat. for most of the time, i was feeling rather numb. it was surreal. i was in denial. i didn't know what to feel. i wasn't exactly sad because i'll still be around next year. i wasn't exactly overjoyed because of the realization that my time as a member of the team was coming to an end. i think the primary feeling i had was contentment. i was content with the experiences i gained, what i gave back, the lessons i learned, the friendships i made. im so undeserving and blessed that i had the chance to dance among passionate, wonderful people. mcia has been 4/5 of my college years.
mcia really has changed my life.

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our team motto "all love" often gets thrown around. i really hope by now you all understand what that implies and you are able to appropriately apply it. it's not just something we get stitched into our sweaters every year. love is so much deeper. all love = to..love..all. it surpasses circumstances, emotions, conflicts or situations. it's a love that doesn't make sense at times, but really... it's the only kind of love that has meaning.

i can't help but think about this kind of crazy unconditional love in God's unfailing love through the sacrifice of Christ. Jesus gave up his life in love and obedience to God and for the forgiveness of sins for all mankind. because we have sinned, we don't deserve that love. nonetheless, God gives us love, He allows us to love and provides us with those opportunities and people to share our love. because of Him, i've been able to face abundant trials and enjoy many blessings during my time with mcia. and without Him in my life, i would not even be able to recognize how unique and precious being on the team truly is. so thank you God for blessing me with this mcia family. i don't deserve them and, yet, through these four years, i have observed Your abundant goodness and grace through all the blessings i have encountered with them.

marlo's video message was on point
when he referenced from the Word of God:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
[1 Corinthians 13:4-7]

now that's love.

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i actually made several drafts of what i wanted to write about regarding my experiences and current feelings about our beloved mcia, so these snipits of ideas are just a little preview. im just frazzled. (hopefully i'll be able to gather my thoughts and better articulate my feelings by the time i contribute to The Book). although i have a 1000001 things i wanted to talk about, it really kept coming down to these three things:

1) mcia, i am so proud of you.
2) mcia, thank you for everything.
3) mcia, i love you.

all love forealzies,
merody

sweet.

friday was our church's youth talent show where cfbc and friends displayed the many gifts God has blessed them with. singing, magic trick-ing, geetar-playing, memory verse-ing... and some mcia friendsies even teamed up with "A Tribe Called to Christ" to put together a little somethin' somethin' for the show. do all things for the glory of God."Let them praise his name with dancing,

and make music to him with tambourine and harp"
[Psalm 149:3]
i pray that we all acknowledge God for even the smallest of blessings he has given to us. he is the one who provides us with these gifts, with the blessings that we do not deserve, things we overlook too often. he blesses us with our loved ones, with minds to understand and hearts to feel, with opportunities, with the senses to experience this world, with the very air we breathe. thank you Lord for everything beyond just the tangible things because the greatest gift you have given to us happened at the Cross. i pray that we are thankful for the blessings, but first mindful and grateful for the blesser.
"he is the source, the sustainer and the end"
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not only was friday the talent show, but also julian's 23rd birthday!
we excitedly planned a surprise shindig for the birthday boy,
full of some of his favorite things.

^ even with slight suspicions, he seemed to be pretty surprised!
(thanks to jurr's brother lance for capturing the funsies)
^ family and friends to join the celebration.^ fun times in the sea of balloons (thanks jigger!)^ a comic book-esque card, signed by Team CFBC + MCIA
with a cover of some of julian's greatest moments
(thanks helen for the artsy creation)
^ gotta have games! (we're already training her)^ ice cream cake + root beer floats.^ and an added bonus... a trip down memory lane with precious baby photos and embarassing high school pics.
all in celebration of this awesome kid-at-heart.
happy birthday buddy.

more updates on our weekend full of blessings soon...
but in a nutshell, God is so good.

because i think you're kinda cool.

happy 23rd birthday to that julian leong!!
buon compleanno!
(that means happy birthday in italiano)

who woulda thunk these two very different gammas-and-game-night-masters would one day come together? although we're totally opposite in some ways (ex: notice our dark/light complexions), im really glad God finally decided to bring us together because you're pretty fun, i think you're pretty awesome, and i wouldn't mind if God continues to let things work out between us.

you are truly a blessing in my life (and many others'), whether it's with family, friendsies, mcia, mavyn, cfbc or whatevs. your wittiness, your talent, your drive, your passion, your selflessness, your wisdom... all unique aspects to why you have clearly made a positive impact on many lives. but above all, your willingness to serve Him by any means and your desire to further develop your faith are really inspiring.

i personally praise God that you've become an even greater part of my life as time goes on. you push me to strive for more, you help me to grow in my faith, you point me to Christ, you comfort me on my worst days, you make me laugh (even if its at myself), you challenge me, you listen, you're genuine, supportive, compassionate...and i know you do the same for so many others. im really proud of you jurr and the work you've done as an actor, an evangelist, a teacher, a dancer, a friend. i pray that you continue to grow in Christ and Lord-willing i'll be there to see the wonderful things God does in your life.

so cheers to the big 2-3 buddy! im glad i could share at least three of those years with ya and Lord willing i can join in the celebration for many more.

a GAMMA gala.

3 years after being selected to join the elite group of Gamma class kids on modernCIA, we reunite for one last shabang to reminisce about the good times...

(and laugh about the not-so-good times)

gamma representatives of the night

gammas go classy.the datesies.
forever mesa girls.
gamma girls all grown up.
girl/boyband.
gamma's next top model.
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then... the craziness happens...

i love you gamma guys and gals.

beyond grateful.

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves
to claim anything as coming from us,
but our sufficiency is from God.
[2 Corinthians 3:5]
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after weeks of discussion, julian and i finally hosted our first ever bible study with our mcia friendsies at 198! we had been thinking about it for quite some time now and it was undoubtedly worth the wait. we couldn't escape our anxious thoughts and doubtful hearts as we prepared for the event. what to eat, who's coming, what time, which songs to sing, what to go over in the message, etc etc etc. thankfully, we encouraged each other through the hesitation and frustration turned to excitement. and oh man, tonight exceeded any type of expectation.

after the overload of blessings from tonight, my heart is so full of joy. questions were asked, minds were stimulated, hearts moved. i felt His presence, He was definitely at work here. i felt like a ginormous burden lifted and a bijillion thanks to God for making it all happen. i praise God for granting julian the wisdom and patience to share the gospel with courage and love. i praise God for trader joes and the delicious meal we quickly stirred up. i praise God for buzz' support after battling the traffic to essentially play one song...and some rounds of scattergories. i praise God for bringing our good friends together to learn about Christ, the consequences of sin, and what faith entails. i praise God for answering our prayers and once again proving that we should never doubt his capabilities. to God be the glory indeed.

we continue to pray for our friends, Lord. i hope we were able to effectively plant some seeds in their curious minds and vulnerable hearts. we know that You will work in them according to your will because it is only through You that hearts are changed. i pray that You further build us up in our faith and use us in any way to share the oh-so-good news! You are too good to us, we don't deserve such greatness and yet You shower us with abundant blessings. thank You.

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For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,
that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
[John 3:16]

heart of the matter.

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye?

[Matthew 7:3-4]

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more than ever, i've been struggling with the issue of forgiveness. and not like forgiving a careless driver for cutting you off or brushing off those talkative gossip girls during lecture, but im talking about the deeper circumstances that call for forgiveness... lingering past experiences of others' faulty actions, unmet expectations, and disappointment that build this burdensome load inside. i've tried to overlook their wrongdoing with an outpouring of love, but in the back of my mind i sheltered the thought of: how could i forgive someone with that magnitude of sin? i thought i had accepted the whole situation until a brief phone conversation exposed my true inner feelings, the bitterness that i thought i cleared my heart of.

when i got off the phone, the anger towards them hit the walls hard and returned harder as even heavier anger towards myself. i was mad... because i was mad. i had buried my own sin by pointing fingers elsewhere. how could i expect to help lead them to forgiveness if i could not even follow through with it myself?

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You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

[Matthew 7:5]

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one time, after i apologized to jurr for a small miscommunication incident, he responded with "i forgive you" instead of the common response of "it's okay" that i usually receive after an apology. he later explained the difference: " 'it's okay' makes light of the problem...things aren't really okay...not yet. but 'i forgive you' affirms the apology, saying, 'that's right for you to be sorry, and i accept your apology because i want things to be right again'. it feels awkward to say 'i forgive you' because people think it sounds superior, and in a sense it is, because that person should feel humbled by his wrong. but if you really care about the person, and your relationship, you want him to feel humbled by that wrong because then he'll know not to do it again".

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im also reading joshua harris' book "boy meets girl", which includes a section about forgiveness: "you have the opportunity to be a channel of God's forgiveness... as you process your own feelings, continually point them to the Cross and make sure they're rooted in an understanding of God's grace... don't allow what can be an appropriate sense of loss and disappointment at the effects of sin turn into self-righteousness or bitterness toward the other person... you too are a sinner who can only be saved by the atoning death of Jesus".

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during that recent phone call, i was only instigating more bitter feelings on both ends. i was not being a light. i was not pointing her to the Cross. i thought my faith placed me higher than them. i pridefully assumed that i had more power than God himself to determine whether a person was worthy of forgiveness or not. and because i had not displayed forgiveness, in the end, i was the one asking for forgiveness from her and from Him. regardless of the repercussions, whether it's a thought or an action, sin is sin and we need to abandon our selfish selves and humble ourselves to repent, to take responsibility for our own faults, especially if we're trying to reveal God's ultimate goodness towards us to those around us. we need to learn to forgive just as God did through Christ's sacrifice at the Cross. if He could forgive the entire world's sins, surely i can forgive this one person. and as we stood beside each other, tears running down our eyes, i felt moved to take that first step to fully forgive them.

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Above all, keep loving one another earnestly,
since love covers a multitude of sins.
[1 Peter 4:8]

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thank you God for this particular rebuke, for loving us unconditionally even though we constantly fall into sin, forgiving us day after day when we absolutely do not deserve such mercy. i pray that you continue to grow use, build us up at your will, direct our paths, and open my eyes & heart to be more like Jesus. Amen.

homegirl.

[belated snapshots from miss jackie's bday]
welcome to the 22 club!
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woohoooo.. it's MAY and from the looks of my trusty calendario, it's going to be quite an eventful month. i pray for just the right amount of strength, patience and energy to get thru all the craziness. lots to do, lots to accomplish, soooo much to be thankful for.

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Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
[1 Thessalonians 5:16-18]