let go.

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it. - Psalm 139:1-6


God knows my heart. He knows my thoughts before I notice they’re forming in my head. He knows my true desires even if I won’t admit them. God knows what I want and what I need. God delights when I delight in Him. He also hurts when something else steals away that attention. He wants me to know Him because He knows what’s best for me. God knows when I am hurting and He knows just what will heal that pain. He understands healing and He understands pain because He has felt every bit of that suffering. He weeps with me. He gives me strength. God chases me through my stubbornness and neglect. He is patient when I am not. He never leaves me, even when I feel like I’m helpless and all alone. He has a plan for me. God wants me to live a fulfilling life. He offers a greater joy than I have ever experienced elsewhere. God rejoices in my praises, He listens to my prayers, He hears the deepest cries of my heart.

God loves me… but more than that, God loves YOU.

"He is infinite and we are finite; there will always be more of His character to discover, more of His love to experience, and more of His power to use for His purposes"

“Forgotten God”- Francis Chan

so this is it.

The past several weeks have been a blur, jam-packed with programs, dancing dancing, hangouts, conversations, banquets, packing. On top of all this, the bfriend was in town for a couple of weeks, so plenty of quality time was spent together and playing with friendsies. And now, he has returned to the big apple, my residents are loading their ridiculous amount of stuff into their cars and my boys’ suite is blasting their “tear-jerker” playlist (with the classics of boyz II men, pdiddy and other slow jams that belong on the “touch game” soundtrack). My walls are bare, the hall is eerily quiet. I can’t stop denying it—- it’s here—- the end of college is really here.

Everyone keeps asking me if im excited or sad or scared to graduate. And i get this uneasy feeling as i think, “should i be excited, sad, or scared?” The truth is—- i can’t really say i’m any of the above. I am simply content. I have had a fulfilling five years (yayy victory lap!!), pursuing what i’m passionate about, devoting time to people i absolutely love, growing closer to God who has captured my heart.

So thank you to all of you lovely people who contributed to these five fruitful years. mi familia. cuesta. 198 & co. pass. MCIA. MMMKK. aifs. spurple year (mariachi bearshark fiesta) and spgold year (spohana!). middle earth. crickholla. cfbc. julianleong. and many many many more.

But the biggest and grandest praise goes to the most gracious God. How could i take or give credit and thanks without giving thanks to the One who gave it all so that i could enjoy these things? Ah, grace, receiving things that i do not deserve. What an absolute wonder it is to look back on these years and see how God works through struggles, events and people to grow us, to bring us to where we are now. I just can’t imagine attributing the love and growth i’ve experienced over the years to silly things like luck or coincidence. Every good and perfect thing can only be a result of a good and perfect God.





“I’m so proud you found your finale”- bfriend

the truest of all loves.

We learn to love by being loved. - julian @ mcia bible study

And there is no better way to distinguish love than through the ultimate event that exemplified undeniable love—- on the Cross. God the Father sacrificing his beloved Son for our sake, a corrupt, sinful people. What an absolutely incredible concept that God would do such a thing for people who clearly did not deserve it. It just doesn’t make any sense. If His love and salvation are free gifts in exchange for faith, I’d say that’s a pretty sweet deal.

Jesus is way more than just a good person in history. He is my Savior, bearer of all sin for my sake. He is the ultimate example of humility, servanthood, obedience, etc etc. He is my Lord, Creator of all things, giver of all things, controller of all things. God IS love, unchanging, consistent, never disappointing, abounding, overwhelming, eternal love. It’s that kind of love that transforms your perception of how to love others. Now that’s the kind of love I want to chase, the kind of love I want to rest in, and that’s also the kind of love I want to give.

We love because he first loved us. [1 John 4:19]


Lord, teach me to love You more and to love more like you— obediently, consistently, unconditionally. May the life of Your Son beyond that very moment on that Cross be a constant image in my mind that transforms my heart into action towards others. I pray that this be a reminder that You are the true example of love beyond anything this world can offer.

my love.

julianLeong, you are truly a blessing in my life. who woulda thunk, right? i praise God for the wisdom and talent He’s blessed you with and for the love you pour out abundantly for those around you. what an absolute honor to be by your side to see how you’ve grown through the years (our story is quite unique). in fact, God used you to bring me back to Him back in the day. even though the east coast is borrowing you temporarily, im so grateful that we are still able to grow together and serve in ministry together. i must say, we’re a pretty good team. and although absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, i can’t wait til you mosey on over back back to cali cali so we can have more date nights and quality time together. you’re so awesome, quirks and all. God is maturing you into a fine, godly man who thankfully re-directs my little heart back to Him time and time again. my heart is so overjoyed to have you in my life, love. so a very happiest of birthday greetings to you, the big 24! may God continue to grow you in obedience, knowledge and love for Him. im praying for you. i love you more and more bfriend!!

what i have learned this year.

I stayed for a fifth year for a number of reasons and I’m not gonna lie… part of the reason I did was for selfish reasons. I thought being an RA would complete my college experience. The perks of free housing, free meals, easy classes, and just hanging out all year weren’t too shabby either. A year to relax and figure things out for myself. Of course, I wanted to make an impact on first years, to be an example, to learn something about myself. When I accepted this position, I knew God was going to teach me something. As this year quicky comes to an end, I have learned more about me—- by learning more about Him.

This year, God revealed my flaws, my pride, my selfish ambitions, my distrust, my desire for control, my impatience, my inability to forgive, my fear, my anxieties, my weakness apart from Him and so on and so on. By doing so, He revealed Himself as sovereign, gracious, forgiving, patient and loving beyond explanation. He revealed my constant need to cling to His constant grace and fall into His loving arms.

I believe there are opportunities regardless of where you are. I had always wanted to be an RA, but His timing is so perfect in that He was growing me a little more before He thought I was ready to do work for His kingdom. I came into the position, knowing God was on my side and that there would be opportunities to proclaim Christ. This year showed me that not only is God on my side, but He is way ahead of me, preparing it all. And man, did He provide opportunities galore! Not only has He blessed me with these 80+ great residents to serve and love, but also with other friends, including mcia, whose hearts God has been moving tremendously. It really is by His grace that He has grown me in boldness to display and share the gospel.

So I must say I’m content with leaving this place at this time. I’ve done my share in college—- got involved, learned to dance, had some fun jobs, met some really amazing people, even met a guy who I’m completely in love with. I’d say after my first four years, my past experiences built up a good amount of self-confidence. Before this year, I would consider myself pretty independent and composed (at least on the outside). I suppose through years of busy schedules and overloaded involvements, I got pretty good at enduring the hectic lifestyle. I guess living where you work took “being involved” to an extreme level. I imagined the RA position to consist of daily hangouts with residents, relaxing, being spontaneous. My prideful self told me “this year will be easy, you can do it.” God told me, “this year will have many challenges; I will not let you do it alone.” Only with Him am I able to handle these ups and downs of life. Only through Him can I see how unworthy I am and how grateful I should be. And only because of Him am I able to live through every trial and blessing that come my way. God is so good. PTL.

in two places at once.

http://lodydody.tumblr.com/

there is oh so much....

to be thankful and excited for!!

what an absolute blessing to witness our friends' growth and desire to learn more about God! so many questions being asked, so many conversations being made, so many opportunities to proclaim Christ! i am overwhelmed, my heart's been jumping with joy and overflowing with seeing God's grace in so many lives.

while there is much to be thankful and excited for, there is also much to pray for. bros and sistas, join us in prayer for these hearts that are seeking to know who Christ is and where he fits in their lives.

dear Lord, you are doing some great things all over the place. we commit this ministry to Your hands, knowing that you are so faithful and loving. thank you for letting us be a part of your amazing work!

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
[Hebrews 11:6]



this campus is too beautiful to overlook.
your Creation never ceases to amaze me!

hey soul sista

meet my beautiful cousin, jenevieve. we would see each other at random family parties as we were growing up, the usual friendly hello's and small talk. but it wasn't until she joined mcia delta year where we actually started getting to know each other. since then, she's matured so much! from awkward freshmen newbie to captain to coord (for two years!) she's also been involved in various on-campus organizations where her passion and dedication continue to shine. above all this, her heart's been moved and transformed by the Holy Spirit as she was saved by grace earlier this year when she decided to dedicate her life to follow Christ. i'm super encouraged by her rapid growth in boldness and knowledge so early in her walk. her resilience, understanding and excitement to learn more and more about Jesus is such a blessing!

jenhabib, im really proud of you and i'm really glad i can share this experience with you. today, during our weekly hangout, you told me that when you move back home, you're scared that you'll be alone in your faith... rest assured i am but a phone call away, cousin. im here for ya now and later and know that im always praying for you, my little sister-in-Christ. beyond that, don't ever forget that God will always be with you. now that's unconditional love. what an absolutely wonderful promise! PTL! love you!

be constant in prayer.

"...anything great starts with prayer. not telling him what to do, not saying God here's my plan, I want you to do this, but really just come before God and saying, I don't know what your plan is, I just want you, whatever will bring you most glory, I'm asking you to do that, I'm begging you to do that... are you completely surrendered where you say, okay God, whatever that is then, I just want it to be of you because I'm tired of me. I'm tired of what I can produce, I'm tired of what people can produce, I gotta have something supernatural in my life. It starts with prayer." - "I'm in Love" sermon by Francis Chan

I've been struggling with the recurring idolatry of control. This upcoming in-between-college-and-real-world state has got me in a funk. Even with the rebukes and reminders from the bfriend, I still harbor that anxiety and that need for control. I find myself getting frustrated at lack of responses from employers, other friends telling me about their exciting new ambitions, and the inability to respond when people ask me what I'll be doing post-graduation. For once, in a long time, I just don't know. I have way more questions than answers. But this is all so silly to me. Worry and doubt are clear indicators of a lack of trust, a lack of faith. Why am I striving to create some brilliant post-grad plan for myself? Why do I think I can figure it all out better than God can? Do I honestly think that having it all mapped out will give me the ultimate comfort? Why am I so restless?  

Truth is--- I don't have it all figured out. I don't need to. As Francis Chan says, "anything great starts with prayer," so that is where I am now and that is where I'll be until God opens that door and lays out that path that He so graciously provided. "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future." wow, what a seriously incredible statement of faith.

Lord, convict me of my foolishness. I know You have a plan, I know I should have no fear in the future. Loving God, I know these things deep in my heart, but move in me to live a life where that truth is so real. Lord, I pray I would rest in your wonderful promises and not in my unstable plans. In Your holy and precious name, amen.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, 

plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

[Jeremiah 29:11]