sweet.

friday was our church's youth talent show where cfbc and friends displayed the many gifts God has blessed them with. singing, magic trick-ing, geetar-playing, memory verse-ing... and some mcia friendsies even teamed up with "A Tribe Called to Christ" to put together a little somethin' somethin' for the show. do all things for the glory of God."Let them praise his name with dancing,

and make music to him with tambourine and harp"
[Psalm 149:3]
i pray that we all acknowledge God for even the smallest of blessings he has given to us. he is the one who provides us with these gifts, with the blessings that we do not deserve, things we overlook too often. he blesses us with our loved ones, with minds to understand and hearts to feel, with opportunities, with the senses to experience this world, with the very air we breathe. thank you Lord for everything beyond just the tangible things because the greatest gift you have given to us happened at the Cross. i pray that we are thankful for the blessings, but first mindful and grateful for the blesser.
"he is the source, the sustainer and the end"
=============

not only was friday the talent show, but also julian's 23rd birthday!
we excitedly planned a surprise shindig for the birthday boy,
full of some of his favorite things.

^ even with slight suspicions, he seemed to be pretty surprised!
(thanks to jurr's brother lance for capturing the funsies)
^ family and friends to join the celebration.^ fun times in the sea of balloons (thanks jigger!)^ a comic book-esque card, signed by Team CFBC + MCIA
with a cover of some of julian's greatest moments
(thanks helen for the artsy creation)
^ gotta have games! (we're already training her)^ ice cream cake + root beer floats.^ and an added bonus... a trip down memory lane with precious baby photos and embarassing high school pics.
all in celebration of this awesome kid-at-heart.
happy birthday buddy.

more updates on our weekend full of blessings soon...
but in a nutshell, God is so good.

because i think you're kinda cool.

happy 23rd birthday to that julian leong!!
buon compleanno!
(that means happy birthday in italiano)

who woulda thunk these two very different gammas-and-game-night-masters would one day come together? although we're totally opposite in some ways (ex: notice our dark/light complexions), im really glad God finally decided to bring us together because you're pretty fun, i think you're pretty awesome, and i wouldn't mind if God continues to let things work out between us.

you are truly a blessing in my life (and many others'), whether it's with family, friendsies, mcia, mavyn, cfbc or whatevs. your wittiness, your talent, your drive, your passion, your selflessness, your wisdom... all unique aspects to why you have clearly made a positive impact on many lives. but above all, your willingness to serve Him by any means and your desire to further develop your faith are really inspiring.

i personally praise God that you've become an even greater part of my life as time goes on. you push me to strive for more, you help me to grow in my faith, you point me to Christ, you comfort me on my worst days, you make me laugh (even if its at myself), you challenge me, you listen, you're genuine, supportive, compassionate...and i know you do the same for so many others. im really proud of you jurr and the work you've done as an actor, an evangelist, a teacher, a dancer, a friend. i pray that you continue to grow in Christ and Lord-willing i'll be there to see the wonderful things God does in your life.

so cheers to the big 2-3 buddy! im glad i could share at least three of those years with ya and Lord willing i can join in the celebration for many more.

a GAMMA gala.

3 years after being selected to join the elite group of Gamma class kids on modernCIA, we reunite for one last shabang to reminisce about the good times...

(and laugh about the not-so-good times)

gamma representatives of the night

gammas go classy.the datesies.
forever mesa girls.
gamma girls all grown up.
girl/boyband.
gamma's next top model.
===========

then... the craziness happens...

i love you gamma guys and gals.

beyond grateful.

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves
to claim anything as coming from us,
but our sufficiency is from God.
[2 Corinthians 3:5]
=========

after weeks of discussion, julian and i finally hosted our first ever bible study with our mcia friendsies at 198! we had been thinking about it for quite some time now and it was undoubtedly worth the wait. we couldn't escape our anxious thoughts and doubtful hearts as we prepared for the event. what to eat, who's coming, what time, which songs to sing, what to go over in the message, etc etc etc. thankfully, we encouraged each other through the hesitation and frustration turned to excitement. and oh man, tonight exceeded any type of expectation.

after the overload of blessings from tonight, my heart is so full of joy. questions were asked, minds were stimulated, hearts moved. i felt His presence, He was definitely at work here. i felt like a ginormous burden lifted and a bijillion thanks to God for making it all happen. i praise God for granting julian the wisdom and patience to share the gospel with courage and love. i praise God for trader joes and the delicious meal we quickly stirred up. i praise God for buzz' support after battling the traffic to essentially play one song...and some rounds of scattergories. i praise God for bringing our good friends together to learn about Christ, the consequences of sin, and what faith entails. i praise God for answering our prayers and once again proving that we should never doubt his capabilities. to God be the glory indeed.

we continue to pray for our friends, Lord. i hope we were able to effectively plant some seeds in their curious minds and vulnerable hearts. we know that You will work in them according to your will because it is only through You that hearts are changed. i pray that You further build us up in our faith and use us in any way to share the oh-so-good news! You are too good to us, we don't deserve such greatness and yet You shower us with abundant blessings. thank You.

=========

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,
that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
[John 3:16]

heart of the matter.

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye?

[Matthew 7:3-4]

=========

more than ever, i've been struggling with the issue of forgiveness. and not like forgiving a careless driver for cutting you off or brushing off those talkative gossip girls during lecture, but im talking about the deeper circumstances that call for forgiveness... lingering past experiences of others' faulty actions, unmet expectations, and disappointment that build this burdensome load inside. i've tried to overlook their wrongdoing with an outpouring of love, but in the back of my mind i sheltered the thought of: how could i forgive someone with that magnitude of sin? i thought i had accepted the whole situation until a brief phone conversation exposed my true inner feelings, the bitterness that i thought i cleared my heart of.

when i got off the phone, the anger towards them hit the walls hard and returned harder as even heavier anger towards myself. i was mad... because i was mad. i had buried my own sin by pointing fingers elsewhere. how could i expect to help lead them to forgiveness if i could not even follow through with it myself?

=========

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

[Matthew 7:5]

=========

one time, after i apologized to jurr for a small miscommunication incident, he responded with "i forgive you" instead of the common response of "it's okay" that i usually receive after an apology. he later explained the difference: " 'it's okay' makes light of the problem...things aren't really okay...not yet. but 'i forgive you' affirms the apology, saying, 'that's right for you to be sorry, and i accept your apology because i want things to be right again'. it feels awkward to say 'i forgive you' because people think it sounds superior, and in a sense it is, because that person should feel humbled by his wrong. but if you really care about the person, and your relationship, you want him to feel humbled by that wrong because then he'll know not to do it again".

=========

im also reading joshua harris' book "boy meets girl", which includes a section about forgiveness: "you have the opportunity to be a channel of God's forgiveness... as you process your own feelings, continually point them to the Cross and make sure they're rooted in an understanding of God's grace... don't allow what can be an appropriate sense of loss and disappointment at the effects of sin turn into self-righteousness or bitterness toward the other person... you too are a sinner who can only be saved by the atoning death of Jesus".

=========

during that recent phone call, i was only instigating more bitter feelings on both ends. i was not being a light. i was not pointing her to the Cross. i thought my faith placed me higher than them. i pridefully assumed that i had more power than God himself to determine whether a person was worthy of forgiveness or not. and because i had not displayed forgiveness, in the end, i was the one asking for forgiveness from her and from Him. regardless of the repercussions, whether it's a thought or an action, sin is sin and we need to abandon our selfish selves and humble ourselves to repent, to take responsibility for our own faults, especially if we're trying to reveal God's ultimate goodness towards us to those around us. we need to learn to forgive just as God did through Christ's sacrifice at the Cross. if He could forgive the entire world's sins, surely i can forgive this one person. and as we stood beside each other, tears running down our eyes, i felt moved to take that first step to fully forgive them.

=======

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly,
since love covers a multitude of sins.
[1 Peter 4:8]

=======

thank you God for this particular rebuke, for loving us unconditionally even though we constantly fall into sin, forgiving us day after day when we absolutely do not deserve such mercy. i pray that you continue to grow use, build us up at your will, direct our paths, and open my eyes & heart to be more like Jesus. Amen.

homegirl.

[belated snapshots from miss jackie's bday]
welcome to the 22 club!
==========

woohoooo.. it's MAY and from the looks of my trusty calendario, it's going to be quite an eventful month. i pray for just the right amount of strength, patience and energy to get thru all the craziness. lots to do, lots to accomplish, soooo much to be thankful for.

==========

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,
give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
[1 Thessalonians 5:16-18]

yes, it could be.

in addition to my typical long days of jam-packed activities, longer nights of dancing dancing, long work shifts, midterms, papers, and the usual personal business... i recently rolled my left ankle while doing my usual 5 miles on the treadmill. i thought it'd go away overnight. but nope, it's been a couple days and piercing pain every time i walk or even attempt to dance. wonderful... just in time for an upcoming church talent show and our final mcia performances of the year. bummer.

then this morning, as i limped to campus, i passed by a guy with a wrapped leg, another guy on crutches and another guy with a prosthetic leg. seriously all within 10 minutes. and there i was complaining about a minor rolled ankle? God really does have a way of opening my eyes...

=========
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet various kinds of trials,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
And let steadfastness have its full effect,
that you may be complete & perfect, lacking in nothing.
[James 1:2-4]
=========

lately, "it could be worse" has become a common saying during conversations with friendsies and even a constant reminder to myself. we complain about the classes we take and the amount of school work we have, but we're blessed enough to even be at this top-notch university. we complain about boredom at work, but we're blessed to even have a job in "this economy". we complain about gas prices, but we're blessed with our own cars. we complain about nothing (good) to eat, but we're blessed with even having things to choose from in our fridge. we spend so much time complaining that we don't have enough time to acknowledge what we actually do have.

===========

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation,
among whom you shine as lights in the world
[Philippians 4:14-15]

===========

God places every trial in your life to grow you, to produce patience and steadfastness, to prepare you for the greater challenges ahead... but also for the even more glorious rewards that are to come. it's always easy to be grateful when life's full of rainbows and butterflies, but the true testing of your faith comes when you're at your lowest point. maybe that's the exact point where you need something (or someone) more than what's providing that temporary comfort. as difficult as it is, we're called to consider even the toughest of times to be a blessing. imagine that, while we're kicked down to the ground, we're expected to be thankful? exactly. we are expected to be thankful because of our faith in God, because of the hope in Christ that our faith entails.

count it all joy, kids.
count it all joy.

hey, at least now i got a little gangster walk :)

only You

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus.
[Philippians 4:7]

Yes, please guard my fragile heart and ease my mind, protect it from the overload of pessimism and what if's...because all i really know is that i really don't know anything. i thank You for those friends you've placed in my life that re-focus me, who actually take time to listen and, most importantly, encourage me to grow closer to You. i do thank You for my family as i continue to pray for them. i pray for wisdom and courage to be a light to them. i thank You for giving us hope through your Son, a hope that we absolutely do not deserve. please teach me how to also sacrifice, how to be patient during trials, show me how to fully forgive, teach me how to love like You. remind me that only You can change hearts and only You direct our lives. and only YOU can provide ultimate comfort and ultimate peace.

i know i cannot do anything without You.

quite the happy hour

the ladies and gents of 198

snazzy up in celebration of OC happy hour week

at Orange County Mining Co.for some d-lish half-off appetizers
on our very own private balconyjust in time for a lovely sunset.

cheers.

04.14.09

last night reminded me that i am human, driven by emotions. trying to be the constant anchor in an increasingly rocky situation seemed like an impossible option at this point. isn't this supposed to get easier? what just happened? what's going to happen? did i fail them?

after several hours of an emotional purge, my focus shifted. this was not my fault, there's got to be a purpose and now i just need to wait patiently to see the good that God creates out of all this. i flipped through Psalms, Romans, Corinthians, etc. then i made some phone calls--- praise God the bfriend picked up and rushed over. i prayed... i just prayed.

it's almost been a year and i can't imagine where my life would be had i not recognized that God (re)opened His arms to me, calling me to return to His steadfast love and never-ending grace. if i hadn't (re)opened my heart, the old me would simply resort to isolation, anger, blaming, complaining... instead of trusting and praying as we are called to do (Philippians 4:6). the old me would dwell on the negative aspects of the situation at hand instead of having faith that the outcome is in His will (Hebrews 11:1). the old me would turn to unreliable outlets instead of the one guaranteed source of comfort and strength (Psalm 46:1). i don't know it all, but i know i am glad that im far from that old me (Ephesians 4:22-24). and now i know and trust that with God, all things are possible (Luke 1:37), including overcoming these heartbreaking trials that---at the moment--- seem absolutely unbearable.

last night, i was reminded that
i could not---and cannot---do this on my own. i need Him.

i am just one person... one very undeserving person that cannot change the hearts of others despite my greatest efforts and prideful mentality. i can plant those seeds and pray my heart out, but it really is up to Him to work in their hearts. the easy way out would be to remain in sulk-mode, but because of the hope i have in the Lord, completely dwelling on these hardships would just be silly (Psalm 30:5).

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
[Romans 5:1-5]

before julian dropped everything to come to the irvs, i was blessed with an unexpected phone conversation with his mom. she reminded me to trust in the Lord's plan for our lives and that because of Him, everything works together for good (Romans 8:28). she listened, she offered advice, we exchanged verses and i even disclosed some snipits of my testimony. she reminded me to be a light for my family during these times where God may not be their focus. i told her how lost i would be without my faith and how grateful i am for julian's constant support. i can see how God's growing us individually and working in our relationship. his mom agreed that it is a blessing to have godly friends during these tough times. i completely agreed. i really do praise God for precisely placing such faithful people in my life.

i've also been praying for more Christ-centered opportunities and i've been receiving just that. from my recent interactions, i've realized that im not alone in this, that there are others who struggle with the exact same things---some even at the exact same time. i pray that God gives me the wisdom and understanding with my own experience to help comfort others and point them to the comfort that God provides for me....

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction,
so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction,
with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
[2 Corinthians 1:3-4]