flusteration.

And let us not grow weary of doing good,
for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone
and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
[Galatians 6:9-10]

dear Lord, revive me from these busy days and this exhausting weekend. i am so tired and i know i need to rest in You, but sometimes my pride prevents me from completely surrendering my life to You. i have not been right with You in the last couple of days, i have not been honest with the real burdens of my heart. i allowed the overpowering sins of doubt, anxiety & fear to seep through. forgive me and please purify my heart. hear the cries of my heart that even i ignore. You know my thoughts even before i think them. the Christian life is not easy, but remind me that You alone give us a reason to fight for that unexplainable joy and maintain that peace of mind. only You can satisfy. i praise You for being compassionate and forgiving to horrible people like me. use me and mold me to become like Jesus, selfless, sacrificial and altogether loving. Lord, You are sovereign and have an incredible authority over all things. Lord, i pray that i completely trust in that amazing power over my own life. teach me humility. Your timing is so perfect, work in their hearts. Lord, i pray that i not forget that Christ died for my sins and with that also my burdens and my problems and my troubles. and because of this, i have so much hope beyond this life. dear Lord, let my thoughts, my actions, my attitude and my life reflect the wonderful promises that are given to us by God through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us
an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,
as we look not to the things that are seen
but to the things that are unseen.
For the things that are seen are transient,
but the things that are unseen are eternal.
[2 Corinthians 4:17-18]

full plate.

there's so much i want to do... in the next days, weeks, months, years!! in a span of 10 months, i won't have my college comfort zone to keep me safe. decisions, decisions. so many places to explore and new opportunities to pursue. so many people to reconnect with, to share with, to pray with, to grow with. im so frazzled, excited and overwhelmed with my growing Life List. i don't even know where to start. i know i can't do this on my own.

The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.
[Proverbs 16:9]

dear Lord, guide and direct my steps towards these ginormous goals,
only if they are according to your will, of course.
remind me that your timing and plan for me is oh-so-perfect.
plant me where you feel it is best to be used for your glory.
oh Lord, above all things, i pray that i serve You
and not my selfish desires.
oh Lord, i pray that these plans may be pleasing to You.

prayers.

Residents lined up in a muddy street to receive relief goods after floodwater subsides in this aerial picture Monday, Oct. 5, 2009 in Angono town in eastern Manila, Philippines. Typhoon Parma weakened into a tropical storm that linger to Philippines coastline coast drenching northern provinces as well as Taiwan killing 16 people and causing widespread flooding and landslide. -Yahoo News

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my heart dropped in sympathy for the those in the Philippines who faced this disaster firsthand and also for those who have relatives & loved ones in the affected areas. on sunday, pastor ed explained how so many people do not have clean water, no clothes, no shelters, lost their loved ones, undergoing diseases from sanitary issues etc etc. relief goods are being transported over there, but not nearly enough considering the already impoverished status of the country. if you cannot contribute in tangible goods, i hope you pray for those in the Philippines and other countries that are affected by these storms. so many tragedies occurring all over the world every day. i pray that we remember that God is faithful and trust in His providence through it all.
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i was looking through photos and came across pictures of kids playing in the mud or adults smiling as they swim through the murky water. it kind of surprised me. maybe they're kids and do not understand the gravity of the situation... or maybe those in less fortunate countries really understand how to appreciate little things, how to be grateful for the very little they actually have. it was so saddening to learn more about the event in the Philippines and all over the world. but it's also always disturbing to hear complaints of people here. we have so much here to be thankful for, but still exhaust ourselves with our inability to be content. we can easily complain about any and everything. the price of things, the quality of things, having too many things, not having the coolest things, losing things, not having the better&best things. what is the benefit in focusing on these materials and amplifying what you are lacking? ultimately, they're just things-- replaceable, forgettable things that may satisfy for like two days, but then what?
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i praise God for satisfying my soul above all things. i feel confident and comforted in His promises of a greater life beyond what i have here, which brings an unexplainable peace and joy in my heart. i thank Him for everything (and everyone) that i do not deserve, but through the sacrifice of Christ, i have the blessed opportunity to enjoy such things. Lord, show me how to love with humility and gentleness. teach me how to live with a servant heart and a life of gratitude to You, the supplier, creator, sustainer, and provider of all things. use me Lord to show others the good fruit of living a life for You, not for my own personal gain, but for your glory always. to God be the glory forever and ever.

happy times.

various PTL moments of the last few days...

^this little girl... super dirty feet and all.

^ these little girls too.& our trip to the abbot kinney festival.
^ and yes, these little girls too!

^ their visit to the irvs
& their lovely contributions to my room decor.

^ our first sweet tooth tuesday!

& the hungry residents who took a study break
to devour the goodies.

dear Lord, i don't deserve this.

it's not about me.

let go & let God.

welcome. week.

the residents have settled in and im definitely feeling the exhaustion from a crazy demanding week. but God's got me through it, pushing me to my limit and leaning on His providence for strength and revival every day. i need to remember this is a God-given opportunity to be a light to this wonderful group of 82, so i can't take these moments lightly. i have 10 months to share what i can in and out of this hall before finally leaving uci. and what a blessing to work with such amazing & passionate staff members. they've really got a heart for what they do and im excited to get to know them even more.
other than that, everything is just grape!!


Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of lights with whom
there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth,
that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
[James 1:17-18]

praise God for absolutely everything.

Psalm 62.

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

² He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

³ How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

⁴ They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah

⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah

⁹ Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.

¹⁰ Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.

¹¹ One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,

¹² and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

cast.

I pray that you sustain me through the hustle and bustle of RA-ship. I am already feeling the tiredness, but Lord I know you can revive me. I pray that my only standards to meet is the example of Christ, following your commandments and not the expectations of others. I pray that I love these residents with a genuine and selfless love. I pray that I do not put all my reliance on myself because I know I am incompetent and weak without You. I pray that my pride is not in my own works but in You. Lord please use me and grow me in wisdom and patience to guide them. Please equip me with the fruit of the Spirit to be an effective light to these young'ns. You are such a good and faithful God who listens to your children. Lord, please hear my prayers. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
[1 Corinthians 12:9-10]

it's here!

it has been a crazy couple of weeks. i'm at the point of exhaustion similar to the completion of an mcia "heaven week". i've inhaled an abundant amount of paint fumes during poster-making, endured hours of workshops and lectures during training, stayed up til the wee morning hours preparing the hall and i've forgotten what a "good night's rest" is. but no real complaints, God's really been sustaining me despite my tiredness. i've been learning that His grace really is sufficient for me. i've made a bunch of new friends (i love the ME staff!) and God has revealed so many witnessing opportunties. please pray that God equips me with the knowledge and love to pursue these friendships and direct them towards Christ. in a couple days, 83 fresh faces will fill this rather quiet hall. i can't believe it's so soon! but im as ready as i can be. i pray that the Holy Spirit fills me to guide these young'ns in a positive way.

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Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
[Colossians 4:2-6]

(come check out Brent Lee's artistic genius all over my hall!)

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on top of all this, the bfriend made his way across the nation to the big apple. up until his departure, people kept asking me how i felt about him leaving. i really could not give them a consistent answer. i am excited to see what God has in store for him for the next year, i am proud of him for stepping way out of his comfort zone, i am encrouaged by how he made use of the last of his time in california, and yes i am a little bummed i won't get to see him on the weekends. but i praise God for this distance. it's a big test to our relationship and trust in God. distance does not (and should not) determine how much we encourage each other and with various methods of technology, i don't feel like it will greatly hinder our relationship. yes, it will have its challenges but we know we still have Christ in our hearts and support for each other even if we're on opposite sides of the country. i highly doubt God would call him out there if He thought we couldn't handle the temporary separation. and i feel like God's really prepared us for this change. some people are surprised by our approach to our relationship and some even tease, but we strive to put God first in our individual lives even then everything else just works out. he's such a blessing in my life and i know God is working out big things for you, jurr.

im praying for you.

the good kind of exhausted.

yikes, it's getting more real. so much piling up on my to-do list. im drained after 8am-6pm training every day. in about 9 days, there will be about 80+ first-years running around my hall, eager and anxious to begin their UCI college life. according to their intense activity on facebook, i can already tell im going to have my hands full this year. but im ready for the challenge. every morning i pray that God grants me with the fruits of the spirit, especially patience. i need to remember that this is a God-given opportunity to be a light to so many fresh minds. im sure there will be hardships and tough times, but God wouldn't give me this position if He thought i couldn't handle it. as always, He put me here for a reason and im excited to see what is to be revealed.

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Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.
[Philippians 2:14-16]
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Crickhollow, home for the next year.what a blessing to have great friends to help......while others lounge and provide entertainment.
come visit me! :)
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on another note...
praise God for you, love.
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